Why? How? Huh?!

Questions that beg for an answer from the universe.  (Fair warning: there may be a bit of stream of consciousness thinking going on here.)

**  Why do dog feet smell like Fritos?  Or is this like the-chicken-or-the-egg thing?  Do dog feet smell like Fritos, or do Fritos smell like dog feet?  And if Fritos smell like dog feet, who on earth would think that was a good marketing move?  And if they don’t, shouldn’t someone have noticed this similarity before sending that snack food into production?

**  Why are some people so insistent that animals can’t go to heaven?  Argue-the-point-into-the-ground insistent, like the very idea negates heaven entirely.  Frankly, I can’t imagine where else my dogs would go after spending their years giving us boundless, unconditional love.

**  How am I supposed to teach my daughter that she’s strong and capable but also teach her about all the dangers out there?  How do I explain that yes, we’ll talk to the nice gentleman standing on our porch, but we also need to keep the dogs in the house while we do?  Because even though they’re launching themselves at the door and barking like lunatics, I still need to be able to let them out if I need their protection.

**  How can I avoid seeming like the crazy neighborhood lady while standing on my front steps railing at kids for playing ding dong ditch?  (And could someone please explain the appeal of this game?  I totally don’t get it.)

**  Don’t hate on me, but why do people bring young children to movies made for big people?  I don’t mean babies.  I’ve heard some moms bring their infants to movies and they sleep right through them (though I can’t imagine how with that noise level).  I mean children capable of speech – let’s say two and up – at a movie they have no business seeing.  Like, say, Jurassic World.  Listening to a kid chatter throughout a children’s movie makes perfect sense.  Having it two rows back during a PG-13 flick?  Not. Cool.