Have you ever actually heard the snap when a pattern breaks?
Sunday night I was busy not following my instincts. Listening to the voices in my head saying she won’t care, I’m just some old lady, she’ll think I’m sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong. On Sunday, I kept my head down and my advice to myself.
Yesterday I stood in a bull ring where the red flag was waved furiously in my face.
It was a situation that a mere thirty days ago would have driven me to the edge of reason, resulting in pointless arguments and agitation that lasted for days. Something that I couldn’t turn away from would take over and make my head spin.
But I’ve been working hard over the last month to control those reactions. To accept my reality. To understand that reality is what it is, and arguing against what is simply makes no sense.
This all sounds very new age-y and, frankly, not very much like me. It’s taken a lot of work to wrap my brain around it, but once I got there I found that it’s actually a very peaceful place to be.
So yesterday I watched my reality wave that red flag back and forth, waiting for the reaction that I’ve always had, but then…nothing. Nothing but a quiet, impassive face that listened and refused to engage.
Snap.
Congratulations! The first time is the most difficult, but it definitely gets easier with practice. One of the most empowering things is not allowing someone else to control your emotions. I’ve found that sometimes I view myself as an observer in moments like these, objectively watching the interaction. I feel detached and not as likely to react to antagonism. And, you’re right. It’s just more peaceful. 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks, Tonya. I’ve spent a lot of years ruled by my emotions – I honestly didn’t get it when Doug said you could control them. It always felt like they built up and exploded out of me, so this is a very new experience. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve also allowed emotions to affect my wellbeing. I completely understand your experience. It’s a journey…like most things in life, but I’m glad to finally be on the path. Thinking of you and wishing you happy travels. Take care! 🙂
LikeLike