Have you ever actually heard the snap when a pattern breaks?

Sunday night I was busy not following my instincts.  Listening to the voices in my head saying she won’t care, I’m just some old lady, she’ll think I’m sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.  On Sunday, I kept my head down and my advice to myself.

Yesterday I stood in a bull ring where the red flag was waved furiously in my face.

It was a situation that a mere thirty days ago would have driven me to the edge of reason, resulting in pointless arguments and agitation that lasted for days.  Something that I couldn’t turn away from would take over and make my head spin.

But I’ve been working hard over the last month to control those reactions.  To accept my reality.  To understand that reality is what it is, and arguing against what is simply makes no sense.

This all sounds very new age-y and, frankly, not very much like me.  It’s taken a lot of work to wrap my brain around it, but once I got there I found that it’s actually a very peaceful place to be.

So yesterday I watched my reality wave that red flag back and forth, waiting for the reaction that I’ve always had, but then…nothing.  Nothing but a quiet, impassive face that listened and refused to engage.