Pretty much everyone knows I love me some Apple.

Sure, we’ve had our problems.  Like any complex relationship, Apple and I have had our ups and downs.  The joy of new iPhones.  The kinks to work out when syncing calendars and contacts between them.  The remarkable speed and graphics on a new MacBook.  The interminable process of transferring everything over.  A router that gives us wi-fi and an automatic backup.  The wi-fi network that crashes randomly and repeatedly.

Yeah, love/hate is really the only way to describe it.  More love than hate, but still.

Apple logo

So I’m about to completely appall my technology friends.  (You know, the ones who actually understand, well, all of it.)

There are a lot of things I truly understand about my Apple life.  Then there are the things I mostly get, the stuff that I use every day and if it freaks out on me I have a decent shot at getting it back on track.  The things that I sort of get are a little more touch-and-go, as in oh crap, nothing is fixing this, I’d better call Apple.

And then there’s the black hole of Apple knowledge.

Lodged somewhere in this black hole are technology problems that are simply beyond my capacity to repair, but there are also concepts in there.  Concepts that are as foreign to me as nuclear physics and the German language.  Concepts that, no matter how carefully someone has tried to explain them, I simply can’t seem to wrap my brain around them.

Like iCloud.

I feel like those five-year-olds who stubbornly look up and demand to know where heaven is because everything is somewhere.

The Cloud is like that for me.  Friends have explained it.  Apple employees have explained it. I’ve even googled the dang thing to read about it in the hopes that the internet could explain it.

Still nothing.

There’s lots of information about how it works, what you use it for, how it makes your life better. But I still don’t get it.

People toss it around like common vernacular: “I store all my music in the Cloud.”  “You want that recipe?  Hold on, I can e-mail it from the Cloud.”

Where is “the Cloud”?  When I send something there, where is that there?  This isn’t like WarGames where there’s a big supercomputer in some room, storing everything sent to it by all the iCloud users.  And even I understand there’s no actual cloud involved.  So…?

Where?  WHERE DOES IT GO?

These are the kinds of questions that plague me from the black hole of Apple knowledge.