Next up in the One-and-Done series: deep sea fishing.

I’m sure lots of you are wondering what on earth would possess me to get on a smallish craft and head out to sea, especially given my motion-induced impulse to expel all stomach contents.  All I can say is that it’s taken years of careful experimentation to determine exactly how far I can push myself without requiring a bucket by my side.  This, and the fact that I fall prey to a lot of stupid adventures while traveling.

This particular experience resulted in the most expensive nap ever.

Many, many years ago, BrightSide and I went on a vacation with some of his friends.  I honestly couldn’t tell you where – I think I’ve blocked it out, frankly – but I remember it was beachy.

At any rate, we were traveling with several guys BrightSide had worked with when we lived in St. Louis.  I’m not sure who suggested it first (if it was BrightSide, he’s never copped to it), but suddenly they were kicking around the idea of renting a boat together to go deep sea fishing.  They were all pretty enthusiastic about the idea, but it’s entirely plausible that beer was involved in my agreement to participate in such lunacy.

Fishing has never been a hobby of mine and, given my proclivity for nausea, I’d never felt a burning desire to bait a hook out where there’s nary a piece of land in sight.  BrightSide, on the other hand…well, deep sea fishing is just something he’s always wanted to do.  I don’t try to understand it, much like he doesn’t try to understand my boundless love for stationary and bookstores.

We make a marriage work, y’all.

At any rate, this was one of those adventures on his bucket list, plus we do try to check out something new on each of our trips.  And that, my friends, is how chartering a boat to catch aquatic vertebrates became our trip’s unforgettable experience.

Looking back on it now, I can’t help but wonder why on earth I didn’t send those boys out to fish and while I enjoyed a good book by the pool.  But this was back in our earlier married days, when it was all about togetherness and trying new things and experiencing life’s adventures as a couple.


Poppycock.  (That’s right, I called poppycock.)  There’s a lot to be said for loving someone enough to say you know what?  You know this is going to make me miserable, I know it’s going to make me miserable…why don’t you go on and have a good time?  We can be together later (and, as a plus, I won’t be hanging my head over a toilet).

Alas, either I wasn’t as evolved in my concept of togetherness then or I simply deluded myself into thinking I might actually enjoy the outing.  Whatever the reason, it’s how I found myself boarding a deep sea fishing boat on an otherwise perfectly enjoyable day.

This was prior to my discovery of Sea Bands – something I’ve found highly effective at fighting nausea in cars, boats, and airplanes – so I went old school with a big dose of Dramamine.  Except guess who’s apparently immune to Dramamine’s magical powers?  Yep.  That would be me.  Figures.

On a side note, listed among Dramamine’s possible side effects are drowsiness, headache, blurred vision, incoordination, and dizziness.  Let’s review: I was taking this medication prior to boarding a deep sea vessel.  That seems like a time when I’d most need to be clear-headed, alert, focused, and adept at, say, walking across a deck on ocean swells.

None of that mattered in the end, though, seeing as the Dramamine was entirely ineffective at combating the horrible seasick feeling that came over me as soon as I stepped on that boat. Seriously, we hadn’t even pulled away from the dock when I thought huh, this probably isn’t going to go well.  Actually pulling away from the dock cranked it up a notch, and by the time we hit open sea it was all over.

By then I’d taken another dose of Dramamine (instructions be damned) in a desperate attempt to stop wishing for death.  No go.

I’m not sure how long I remained on deck, trying to power through.  I know it’s crass to talk money, but for real…those deep sea fishing trips cost.  And it wasn’t like we had money to burn so my brain was all You paid HOW MUCH to be out here on this damn boat?  Well then, you’d better freaking find a way to enjoy it!  Meanwhile my stomach was all I’m dying, I’m dying, I WISH I was dying.  MAKE IT STOP.

Eventually BrightSide told me to just go inside and lie down – which, by the way, I’ve since learned is about the worst thing you can do.  I settled onto some kind of bed, curled into the fetal position, and wished fervently for either a quick death or the ability to pass out for the remainder of the day.

Clearly I didn’t get my first wish, and I was denied my second one, too.  The amount of Dramamine in my system helped me move in and out of consciousness, but nothing could fully overcome that overwhelming nausea while the boat moved with the ocean.

As I said, I’ve blocked out many of the details from this particular experience.  I couldn’t tell you which ocean it was, how many people went out on the boat, what they were trying to catch, or how long the fishing trip lasted.  I can tell you it was the most freaking expensive, tossing-and-turning, nauseous nap of my life.

Deep sea fishing?  It’s got a nice big spot on my One-and-Done List.

**  For those who are interested, you can read about the origin of the One-and-Done List here.  Or you can check out how scuba diving made it onto the List here.