I’m a huge advocate for curly girl products.  Huge.  My passionate championing for the straight-hair-impaired evolved naturally from a lifetime of dealing with what can only be described as “challenging” hair.

Conditions that funk out my hair, without fail:  Rain.  Any chance of rain.  A two percent chance of rain, even if there’s never any actual precipitation.  Humidity.  Sweat.  Sprinklers.  Gym class.  If the freaking stars are out of alignment…any of these things and more mean my hair frizzes up and out into a fuzzy hair helmet that refuses to be tamed.  This is my hair life.  It’s always been my struggle.  It’s the only one I know.

Years of childhood hair shame, all endured because my tresses insist on misbehaving 95% of the time.  (Sure, you could blame it on genes or hair shafts or even follicles.  None of that changes the fact that I spent a good deal of my teenage years as a Rosanna Rosanna Dana lookalike.)  People say everyone has good days and bad days, but those terms are definitely relative.


See?  Hair helmet.  And this would have been considered a good hair day.  Puffy and fluffy.  Plus check out those bangs…1980s all the way.

That's me, on the left. I hardly have the words.
That’s me, on the left.

I hardly have the words.  That’s what happens when you cut my kind of curly hair short.  You should be able to sue hairdressers who wreak this kind of havoc on anyone, let alone a gawky girl already dealing with being, well, a gawky girl.

So for years I was at the mercy of the elements, but finally (FINALLY) the scientific community has stepped up to help out curly-haired girls.

Through the miracle of modern chemistry, hair products have hit the market that at least target curly/wavy/kinky hair.  Through a lot of trial and error, I’ve found a hair regimen that’s successful at taming my locks about 70% of the time.  No, that’s not a data-based figure, but I can safely say my hair looks decent more than half the time but decidedly less than all of the time.  So we’re going with 70%.

That’s right, my body might be going to hell because I don’t go to a gym but not my hair…my HAIR has a regimen, baby.

So here’s what we’re talking about:

my starting lineup
my starting lineup

There’s no shampoo in this picture – shampoo is evil incarnate for curly hair, so I typically only let that touch my head once a week.  This disqualified it from the starting lineup photo.

First up is the CurlySexyHair Curl Defining Conditioner.  (The name alone sends Bear into convulsive giggles.)  Heaven forbid I find a product that’s easy to come by – I have to run an extra errand to Great Clips to pick this up – but it’s the only conditioner that makes my hair happy.  It works its magic while I’m showering.  After rinsing the curl conditioner out, I finger-comb through some Mixed Chicks leave-in conditioner, trying to ignore the ridiculous amount of hair I lose each time.  Honestly, you’d think I’d be bald by now.

I cheat a little on the next hair care tip.  I’m supposed to get rid of my towels and use a t-shirt to squeeze water from my hair, but come on…I’ve got enough going on without adding a hair-drying-t-shirt to my freaking morning routine.  My compromise is no more scrubbing my head dry, only gently scrunching with a towel.

Next up is the Frizz Ease Extra Strength Serum.  This is a slick, silicone-based product that coats my hair, providing a protective layer and supposedly helping to decrease frizz.  Then I use a few pumps of CurlySexyHair Liquid Curling Gel (yep, back to Great Clips again) on my strands.  I scrunch my hair and – this part is CRITICAL – I leave it alone.  I absolutely cannot touch it because every single touch increases the frizz while it dries, so the inviolable rule is hands off the scrunched hair.

At this point a lot depends on how well I’ve managed my time.  Ideally I’ll let my hair air dry before leaving the house (outside elements mess with the final result), but that’s not always realistic.  So I’ll let it air dry as long as possible then finish up with my hair dryer, making sure the diffuser is attached.  This way the dryer puts out heat with very little air blown around.  (And for all my straight hair friends who think this is bunk, you should see me when I travel and try to use a hotel hair dryer.  Complete. Disaster.)

If everything’s gone well so far (meaning I don’t have to yank it back into a ponytail because my hair still looks like a rat’s nest), my final style product is Frizz Ease Secret Weapon Touch-Up Crème.  I smooth a dab of this down the outside of my hair in an attempt to slick down any fly aways.  I like to think it works.

How many of you have been with me since the beginning?  Remember that post where I said I considered myself a low maintenance girl?  Yeah, you’re probably laughing your ass off right about now, and it’s hard to argue that point after rereading this post.

Just so we’re all on the same page, I’m fully aware of how crazy this sounds.  All these steps just to fix my hair?! Please.

I know all you curly girls out there are nodding your heads and mentally cataloging your own style supplies.  I’m also pretty sure all you straight hair girls are either grateful you don’t deal with this mess or think it’s overkill.

My only argument for that?  Rosanna Rosanna Dana.  Pictures don’t lie.