Netflix was a glorious invention.  We’re slowly working our way through a random list of things the kids are old enough to watch, in no particular order, with various levels of success.

Malcolm in the Middle.  Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.  The Andy Griffith Show.  (Okay, that one’s all BrightSide.)

Last week we stumbled onto another classic we thought T-man and Bear might appreciate –  Star Trek: The Next Generation.  It seemed safe enough.  Science fiction about space travel, horribly dated special effects, far less bloody violence than they see in movies now.  What’s the worst that could happen?  We figured the biggest risk we ran was them thinking it was old and stupid.

Disclaimer:  It had been many years since I’d watched this show.  BrightSide and I used to kick back, order pizza, and watch episodes at the fraternity house.  (Yep, we were real party animals.)  My point being I only had the vaguest memory of a TV show about space travel.  That was it.

We started them off with the classic pilot episode from 1987, and while they were a bit hesitant at the start by the end of the show both kids were hooked.  Awesome!  We’d found a new, relatively family-friendly series.

And then T-man loaded the second episode entitled “The Naked Now.”  I blew off the title, figuring they were going for shock effect, but it only took about ten minutes to realize it was more of a heads up.  (No pun intended.)

The episode description says “The crew of the Enterprise is infected with a virus that causes them to behave as though they were intoxicated.”  And apparently intoxicated also involves coming on to anything that moves, because episode two was nothing but drunken crew behavior and people trying to take off their clothes.

Great.  Another winner parenting move.

But we figure the kids are in fourth and fifth grade so we just powered through, especially since they’d actually gotten interested in the series.

I was surprised that none of the things catching my eye had come up yet.  The female crew member on the bridge whose skirt was five inches above the knee.  How all the uniforms were remarkably (ahem) form fitting.  The incredibly dated dialogue.

And then it happened.  The kids and I were watching an episode together when things got…weird.


Bear:  “Those outfits are so tight you can see their boob thingies!”

me:  “I’m sorry, did you just say ‘boob thingies’?!  What?  You know the word for ‘boob thingies’!”

Bear:  “No, I mean the thingy that’s ON their boobs.  Their shirts are so tight you can see it.”

me:  “Oh, you mean the nipple.”  (Horrified look from T-man.)  “Well, they were trying to keep the galaxy safe. Nipples help.”


Honestly, there are days when I’m convinced I’m getting punked.  And then I realize nope, this is just my regular life…