8 ways you know I haven’t had my coffee yet


* Most answers begin with a long “ummmm….” 

* If the kids ask about any events scheduled beyond the next 60 minutes my face automatically kicks into spaced-out zombie mode.

* It takes three laps around the kitchen to collect both a coffee cup and spoon.

* I may or may not remember to remove any ziplock bags from the top of the toaster oven, often resulting in melted plastic to clean after the kids have made their breakfast.

* My peripheral vision shrinks by 80%.  If the dogs risk lying on the floor it’s as if they’ve become invisible, which means half the time someone gets a paw or tail stepped on.

* If sleep logged is 5 hours or less, it often takes two or three tries to complete a simple thought.

*  Removing previously packed food from the fridge and putting it into the correct lunchboxes feels like mental calisthenics.

* There is no such thing as walking and chewing gum at the same time.  Everything requires laser-like focus.  Or bad things happen.



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