Life brings some wide open moments to the table. There are times when words leave my mouth and hover midair in one of those word bubbles while I just gaze at them, dazed and confused.
The first Things I never thought I’d say included weird or ludicrous phrases I’ve said to my kids. Here we go with another round of huh? moments.
– (overheard from the dining room table during homework time) “Wow, this is totally charged!” (whirrr, whirrr) “Don’t play with power tools, T-man.”
– “They expressed Phoebe’s anal glands at the vet and apparently it traumatized her. She might lick her butt forever, I don’t know.”
– “Wow. Well…apparently Becky (not her real name) is seriously invested in your hair choices.”
– “I know you’re a nice girl and I don’t want to change that, but we’ve really gotta get a little mean-girl smackdown into you, too.”
– (from BrightSide recently) “Hey, hon, you know you’re a little like the guy in that Snickers commercial, right?” (crickets) “The one who gets all crazy when he doesn’t -” “Yeah, yeah, I know.”
– “Do you have everything? Everything? Your school project? Your basketball uniform? EVERYTHING??” (ten minutes later) “What do you mean, did I pack your jersey?!?” (bwa-wah-wah-wah) “Well, sure, I washed it, but I didn’t pack for you. How did you think it was gonna get from the laundry room to your suitcase? Fly?”
– (my child from the open second story hallway, hanging over where I’m lying on the couch) “Can I drop this to you?” “No.” “Can I?” “No.” “Will you get mad?” “Yes.” “I’m just gonna drop it.” (It’s moments like these when I wish I could levitate.)
– (T-man to BrightSide the day we transferred our cocooned butterflies to their new habitat.) “And then she told me to put it in a bag and made me throw it in the trash can, and it’s gonna come out of the chrysalis in there and flap around and then die.” (I rolled my eyes at BS.) “WHAT, mom?!” “Well, you were pretty much like ‘here’s my mom, the psycho butterfly killer.’ Nice.”
– “So did she hit you, or did she flap at you?”
– “How exactly do you parkour in the bonus room?”