BrightSide and I lived by the rule that our kids could start traveling with us once they were potty trained. I know plenty of people who take their kids on trips from birth, but it wasn’t for me. I’ve always known that I am not equipped to travel with diapered ones in tow. I have limitations; I embrace them.
This meant when we’d go on a trip the kids would get to spend the week with BrightSide’s parents. T-man and Bear really looked forward to their grandparent time, so we were able to enjoy ourselves knowing that they were having a vacation of their own. Win-win, right?
Travel post-kids brought about the introduction of the Green Folder. The Green Folder was a do or die collection of what I considered useful information. Insurance cards. Important phone numbers. Schedules for playschool or extracurricular activities. I believe at one time I even included directions to the nearest kid friendly park. Was it the teensiest bit anal? Sure, probably, but I had good intentions.
But this lady’s letter to the grandparents? Classic.
“Dear Granny, Grampy, Nana and Pop Pop:
Thank you sooo much for taking care of the kids next week so the husband and I can go away for the first time in years. I know I’m just supposed to be appreciative, so let me tell you a little something I would appreciate…
This is a list of shit not to do while we are gone:
1. Please do not constantly stuff my kids with candy. For some reason, whenever I walk out of the room you suddenly turn into a Mexican piñata maker and stuff my kids silly with candy like they’re hollow papier-mâché donkeys. If we get back and the kids are high on Pixy Stix and Pop Rocks, I’m putting a blindfold on, grabbing a stick, and beating the crap out of the nearest grandparent…”