it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to

Nope, I’m good, thanks for asking.

But Fat Mum Slim wrote this handy dandy list of 50 things to blog about that’s been hanging out in my Ideas Note.  I wrote this about “that life changing moment,” but the prompt I’m tackling today is “The last thing that made you cry.”

If you follow RFTM then you probably already know we like the lake.  The kids love the whooping and hollering and racing back and forth on wakeboards part; I love the peaceful, quiet, soothing quality of the lake.  Surprisingly, these two perspectives manage to coexist. Which is weird, but everyone comes home happy so it works.

Lake life is good.

We made plans months ago to spend Memorial Day weekend at the lake.  When my mom’s funeral was scheduled for the week before I briefly wondered if that getaway was still a good idea, but in the end I decided to go ahead and make the arrangements.  Even though facing mom’s funeral, driving back home, and then preparing to leave town the next afternoon sounded daunting, I believed spending time at the lake would be for the best.

Being at the lake is like moving into a different world.  Time slows down, rules relax, and my brain just sort of…unclenches.  All useful qualities when I’m feeling a little raw.

So I was sitting on the sun porch one morning, drinking my coffee and watching birds visit the feeder, when tears started trickling down my cheeks.  Suddenly every fiber of my being missed my mom, and all I could think about was how much she would have enjoyed spending time out there.

Mom loved her sunroom at home.  She’d sit and watch birds hopping around her feeder, sometimes even getting a visit from a bunny or two.  She loved it.  She would have loved the lake just as much.

That’s the last time I cried.  Looking at the birds in the sunshine, flitting happily back and forth, and remembering my mom.

birdfeeder

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