It seems my kids love the concept of opposite day. I have no idea how this actually began…all I know is that we’ll be cruising along on a typical morning, someone will say something incongruent, then they’ll fill the confused pause with a boisterous “Opposite Day!”
me: Would you like some ice cream?
Bear: No, I don’t want dessert.
me: Okay, that’s –
Bear: Opposite Day!
Bear: Do you want to share a pizza?
Bear: I’ll go get one from the freezer.
T-man: Yes means no! Opposite Day!!
me: Did you guys do your chores yet?
Bear: Not yet.
me: Well, I need you to –
Bear: Just kidding! Opposite Day!
Looks like a real scream, right? Yeah, the shine wore off that apple after the first 82 times they used it.
This did get me thinking, though…what would an Opposite Day look like for me? [Cue wavy picture and “doo doo doo doo” music.]
9:00am – I stumble from the bedroom, rubbing sleep from my eyes and turning on the coffee maker. One of the kids asks why I didn’t get up and make them breakfast. I explain it’s grownup Opposite Day; I decided I’d sleep in instead. No one seemed to starve in the meantime.
10:30am – I ask the kids if they’d like to go to the pool. They enthusiastically agree and turn to run for their swimsuits. “Opposite Day!” I cry. The heat index is expected to top 100. There’s no way I’m setting foot outdoors today.
11:15am – There is a fight over couch seating. Specifically, if placing your butt cheeks on a cushion for 5 minutes marks it as your seat so you can get a drink from the kitchen without losing your place. When asked to intervene I sweetly say, “I’d love to mediate this for you two.” “Really?” “Absolutely not. Opposite Day.”
12:00pm – One of the kids asks for cheese quesadillas for lunch. “Sure” I reply and start for the stove only to turn back with an enthusiastic, “Opposite Day! Yes means No! You know how to make those yourself.” This frees me to return to my writing.
2:30pm – T-man asks if he can disassemble the go kart and rebuild the engine. “Why not?” I ask and smile sweetly only to crush his plans with a “Just kidding. It’s Opposite Day. Plus you might blow up the garage.”
3:30pm – Bear comes in from the garage complaining of the heat and asks if I’d like to watch Life with Boys with her. For the 500th time. I don’t even bother with Opposite Day on this one.
4:00pm – Bear asks for takeout. I answer “Okay!” followed by an “Oops! Opposite Day! We’ll be eating food here.”
4:15pm – Bear repeats takeout request. “Asked and answered.”
4:45pm – Bear repeats takeout request. “Asked and answered.”
5:30pm – Bear repeats takeout request. “Well, okay…” “Really?!” “NO. It’s Opposite Day! Now stop asking.”
6:30pm – BrightSide arrives home to joyous dogs and enthusiastic kids. They shift their attention from me to him and I breathe a sigh of relief, realizing I can finally answer a question without reversing it in my head first.
Opposite Day sounds like too much work for me.