Sure, you might only feel like having half that doughnut. But what’s going to happen to the crumbly remains you leave behind, huh? You think just anyone’s gonna want someone else’s leftovers? What if no one else is eating bird sized portions that day? Now you’ve doomed that doughnut to days of going stale and a dumpster burial.
“Thank you for asking, but no, you may not cut that whole cupcake that’s ‘just too much’ in half. Even if you walk around with a petition and get signatures from everyone affected by your actions, you cannot only take half. When it comes to communal food situations, it’s all or nothing. Taking whole desserts is one of the stipulations you agreed to by living in society – you will wear pants unless asked otherwise, you will sing the ‘ba ba ba’ part of “Sweet Caroline” at the top of your lungs whenever it plays, and you will never sever desserts.”