SoCS – a stranger in my skin

Others might argue with me, but it sure does feel like I land myself in a lot of sticky situations. As if awkward isn’t a character trait so much as a way of life for me.

Seven- to nine-year-old soccer player, fast as the wind, but all gangly limbs and jagged edges as I tried to prove girls could be just as awesome as the boys.  (Well, duh.)

Fifteen-year-old girl, lost in her own skin, feeling awkward and out of place basically everywhere.  Walking into the cafeteria, changing in the locker room, walking through the halls between classes…a stranger in my own skin, desperate to feel like I belong.

Wandering through college, trying to assert my independence and grow into myself, still having those days when I felt like nothing more than an imposter inside my own skin.  Standing awkwardly at parties, walking with eyes down to class.  There were times when I felt so out of place I practically itched.

Even now, as a grown up, there are situations in which that feeling sweeps over me again.  Like I’m all knees and elbows, gangly as a schoolgirl and just as insecure.  Sitting awkwardly in large meetings, feeling anxiety all the way down to my toes as I try to fit myself in the space.

Awkward is no fun.  In fact, it’s one of the most uncomfortable feelings I have to sit through, especially when I feel like eyes are on me.  Too bad it’s such a common stage for girls to go through…


SoCS 2

Linda’s weekly stream of consciousness was provided by Joey this week, and it’s equally delightful.  This week’s prompt was “awkward.”  Click over to check out some other blogs.

2 thoughts on “SoCS – a stranger in my skin

  1. I wonder if more people feel like this than we realize. Some people are so good at hiding it, or we are feeling so awkward in our own skin, we don’t notice the awkwardness in others. Anyway, you are not alone.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Definitely so. We learn early on that being uncomfortable makes other people uncomfortable, so we learn to hide it away. I’m sure there are plenty of people feeling just the way I do!

      Liked by 1 person

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