for those times when size really does matter

Oh, go on with your sputtering, blushing self.  I don’t plan to write an introductory paragraph on the traditional origin of this phrase (thank you, Sex In The City).  If for some reason you’re in the dark, Google “does size matter?”  That’ll give you all the background info you need.

We won’t be debating this particular age old question – frankly, I don’t really want to know your position on the matter.  That sounds like a personal issue to me.

What we will be discussing are the times when size absolutely, positively, 100% matters.

Needles

Oh lawd, needles.  Now, I’m not a squeamish person when it comes to this.  I’ve had a lot of bloodwork done over the years, so the warning “small stick!” doesn’t make me even a little bit squirrelly.  Even so, we have to admit that size definitely matters on this one.  I’ve never had an epidural but I hear tell those needles are nothing to sneeze at, and can I get an amen from my fertility treatment friends for that shot in the butt?  Huge needle and a horribly slow injection process?  Honestly.

Weight of the dog who just stepped on your broken toe

Luckily I haven’t experienced this yet, though there have been a few serious injuries after kicking something that sure felt like broken toes.  And the difference between Gracie planting her body weight on that throbbing appendage versus Phoebe’s lighter mass is like night and day.

Size of your vehicle during parallel parking

And, in direct correlation, the size of space available.

I’ll be the first to admit I find this challenging from the start.  I don’t care if I’m driving a VW Bug and have a space the size of a Winnebago, I’m still sweating bullets backing that thing in and it’s 50/50 I’ll need two tries to get it right.  Give me a regular car with a normal space and the stakes triple.  Give me BrightSide’s Tahoe tank and that’s it, we’re done.  I’ll be searching for hours until I find a plain old parking space.

Umbrellas

We own everything from tiny Totes tucked in a purse to enormous golf umbrellas that fit two or three people.  Get caught in a downpour and it makes a very big difference which one of these umbrellas you’ve got with you.  A tiny Tote?  At the very least you’re looking at getting soaked from the waist down.  If the rain’s flying sideways then everything except the top of your head is fair game.

Chocolate cake

Maybe one time out of thirty I mean it when I say I’ll have “just a small slice” of chocolate cake.  The rest of the time I really mean “a regular slice on the largish size would be terrific.”  And when PMS rears its ugly head?  Just slap a big old chunk of that chocolatey deliciousness on a dinner plate and step back.

Purses

In college and my twenties, cute little purses were perfect – all I really needed was something big enough to hold my ID, credit card, and lip gloss.  I gradually shifted to medium sized purses, but once the kids arrived on the scene?  Those cute little purses were a distant memory; nothing short of an enormous tote would do.  Advil for me, Children’s Advil for them, tissues, Orajel, pens and pencils, a small notepad, Power bar, gum – and that’s before I even got to the wallet and phone.  It’s like a mini-CVS in there.

Spiders

We run the gamut around here when it comes to creatures in the arachnid category.  I’ve handled itty bitty spiders and midling spiders…spiders the size of postage stamps, erasers, and even a driver’s license.  Spiders scuttling across floors and spinning webs in doorways. And no matter how cool a cucumber you might be, when you’re standing barefoot in the kitchen or looking at the ceiling above your head, the size of that particular spider matters a great deal.

Shopping in bulk

Assuming you have the storage space buying in bulk can be a real money saver (especially if you’re not a master couponer, as I indeed am not), but not all bulk items are created equal. Toilet paper?  A perfect bulk purchase seeing as it never expires and the need for it never dies.  Same for paper towels, napkins, and tissues, though if you’re a smaller household you may be living with those items for quite a while.  Goods like cereal, peanut butter, crackers, and cookies are a little trickier.  Unless you’re the Duggars you’ve laid in some serious food supplies, items that actually will go stale if not consumed in a timely manner.  Some people get a little stressed out when they’re put on a clock like that.

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What’s your favorite “size matters” entry?

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