15 ways you know you’re old as dirt

“Life is like a hot bath.  It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.”
– author unknown

 

15 signs you’re aging toward the golden years

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Your daughter is genuinely distraught when you wear a short skort.  But mom, it’s so SHORT! But mom, you’re a MOM!  But mom, you’re so…OLD!  Ummm, yeah.

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Hair appointment scheduling shifts.  You move from biannual trims to appointments every other month.  You add highlights or maybe some color.  Eventually covering the gray is a real time commitment.  At first you color every six weeks, then every five, then monthly.  Eventually you’ll be one of those ladies showing up for her weekly hair appointment.  Bless.

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The floor is much further away than it once was.  Now an item’s weight factors heavily into whether you move it.  The horrifically heavy planter?  It doesn’t look so bad in that corner when you think about what it will take to move it across the room.

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Suddenly it’s entirely possible to pull a muscle walking the dog.

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Picking up that dropped pencil is a conscious decision.  There’s three more right there on the counter…is it really necessary to get all the way down to that floor?

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Fiber becomes a critical part of your diet.

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Sensible shoes make up the majority of your footwear.

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A typical day finds you in everything from tank tops to fleece, shorts to sweats.  Often a day’s wardrobe is comprised of a series of layering – fleece top on, sweats off.  Add sweats then change to tank.  Put fleece back on before stripping to tank and shorts.  It’s like existing in an igloo that periodically bursts into flame.

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You develop gorilla arm syndrome.  Anything without large print is held at arm’s length and tilted toward the light in an attempt to decipher ridiculously small words.

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Creaking and cracking sounds no longer send you sprinting to the doctor.

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The dermatologist now says delightful things during your exam like “Hmmm…well, I see something here, but it’s symmetrical and a good color…nope, that’s a typical age spot.”

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Shaky hands don’t necessarily mean you’re nervous anymore.

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People look at you curiously when you fall asleep in public.  Interestingly enough, you don’t give a damn.

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A black hole appears in your home.  One that only attracts keys, wallets, purses, lipstick, single socks, and the occasional Post It note.

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If someone interrupts you mid sentence there’s a 96.5% chance that two minutes later you’ll have no idea what you were saying.

4 thoughts on “15 ways you know you’re old as dirt

    • Own it! I was so exhausted from my daughter’s 3 day field trip that I actually TOOK A NAP UPSTAIRS at a relative’s house before their Saturday Thanksgiving dinner. It was that or fall asleep in my ham!

      Liked by 1 person

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