I’ve hit the Big 4-6 today. Past the decade midpoint. On the downhill slide to 50.
Woo hoo, people, it’s party time!
In honor of this momentous occasion, here are 46 tidbits for the day.
1. Birthday cake is overrated. Give me pound cake or anything from Maxie B’s and I’m one happy camper.
2. Watching someone else at a restaurant get a birthday serenade is always more fun than being on the receiving end.
3. Margarita on the rocks, no salt, please.
4. It’s crazy what a difference ten pounds makes. I try not to pass on my body issues but come on.
5. Jack Bauer spends 30% of the time repeating his lines in an increasingly hoarse yell. I wonder how he kept from losing his voice.
6. I hear herbal tea is good for that.
7. I spent the car ride to school trying to explain Putin to T-man. Russia is a difficult concept to grasp for someone born in 21st century America.
8. I’m sure the magic of spandex can be explained by some sort of molecular structure thing, but I didn’t pay enough attention in science.
9. Phoebe snores. Loudly.
10. Mom and dad took a bunch of my friends to Farrell’s Ice Cream Parlour for one of my birthdays. We ordered their specialty – an indescribably humongous sundae, two dozen scoops of ice cream, toppings, a tower of whipped cream – it was a veritable mountain of deliciousness, and the servers ran it to the table on a stretcher to the sound of a fire engine siren.
11. It’s possible my family of four could eat that entire thing today. We really like ice cream.
12. And cheeseburgers.
13. My kids are fascinated by the fact that none of the hotels we visit has a thirteenth floor.
14. Bear asks me all the time what it’s like inside the jail when we drive past. I wonder why she thinks I know.
15. This may become my favorite form of writing since my brain jumps around like this. All. the. time.
16. My parents hung out upstairs so I could have a sweet sixteen party in the family room. No, it wouldn’t have made the cut for MTV, but it was pretty awesome nonetheless.
17. It was almost ruined by this cute but crazy boy who was extremely committed to convincing me his life was in danger. Surprise, surprise – he played Dungeons and Dragons.
18. I was stupid enough to get sucked in; I was smart enough to kick him out before the end of the night. It took a while to convince him to stop contacting me altogether. (Can you say stalker?)
19. From then on, Dungeons and Dragons was a big red flag for me.
20. Is that game even around anymore?
21. I spent my twenty-first birthday with BrightSide. We went to a bar, had a few drinks, and then I ordered an ice cream sundae. ‘Cause I’m a party animal like that.
22. BrightSide got the kids interested in watching Lie To Me. It’s good because they’re learning to read people. On the other hand, we’re losing a bit of our edge when it comes to spotting their lies.
23. I’ve finally linked up streaming video through Amazon and it is awesome! It’s beyond awesome! It’s bee-awesome!! (Shout out to Bolt.)
24. I’ve also realized how many of my shows have profanity, sex, and/or violence.
25. There’s a sliding scale for acceptable TV when other people are around. I can watch certain things comfortably when workers are here, others when the kids are in and out, still others when the neighbors’ kids are visiting.
26. This is why I’ve got everything from 24 to Suits to The Good Wife and Downton Abbey loaded on my watchlist.
27. It also probably means I should watch less tv.
28. Some days I like the background noise, though.
29. T-man walked through the family room recently and pronounced the hanging family photos “creepy” because our eyes follow him around the room. I say the more surveillance the better.
30. I got a tattoo for my thirtieth birthday. BrightSide is not a fan, but he came with me anyway. Good man.
31. Sista-friend has a saying: “I Do Big Time Stuff.” Find an enormous snake (or two) hanging from your power box? (true story) The kids are present, you can’t freak out, and your hubby says you can handle it. Here’s the internal dialogue: I can do this, I can do this, I Do Big Time Stuff, I CAN DO THIS!! Or you open your back door to find a giant spider eyeballing you. (true story) It is huge. HUGE. But you have let the dogs out so you can’t run screaming for the hills. Internal dialogue: I can do this. I can do this. It’s not moving, it’s not staring at me, just hang on, I DO BIG TIME STUFF AND I CAN DO THIS.
32. Bee gave me the best throw for Christmas. It’s downy soft, covers me from head to toe, and feels like a warm hug on a rainy day. Phoebe has been trying to steal it all week.
33. I can’t blame her. I’d trick a small child to steal this blanket. I mean, I’d give her ice cream to make up for it, but I’d steal it all the same.
34. I’ve started reading Bee’s other gift, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World by Kristen Welch. Any time I tell people this they exclaim “You’ve got great kids!” Well, (ahem) yes…but being selfish is human nature, and we’re doing our best to counteract that.
35. The ladies on Downton Abbey wear the most fabulous hats. I wonder why this fell out of style, unless it was because you’re bound to have horrible hat head once you take it off.
36. Of course, I’d only have to worry about hat head if I invested time in fixing my hair.
37. Which I don’t.
38. My neighbor just called to get my vet’s emergency number for her dog. I don’t know whether to be happy I could help or horrified that Gracie’s antics have made me this sort of resource.
39. I also think it’s something of a miracle Gracie hasn’t needed that particular phone number yet.
40. Birthday candles that won’t blow out are cruel. Who gets off pranking the birthday kid?!
41. I don’t understand people who put a slice of cake and ice cream on your plate then hand you a fork.
42. What’s with piñatas? Who thought it was a good idea to blindfold kids, let them swing a stick wildly, then have them swarm the candy?
43. How young is too young for orthopedic shoes? I’m asking for a friend.
44. I’ve been able to keep one houseplant alive in my entire adult life. One. I’m like the Dr. Kevorkian of plant life.
45. After forty-six years on this planet I’ve accepted these truths: yawns and smiles are contagious, singing almost always lifts my spirits, and dancing around with my kids makes them laugh.
46. And yoga pants are da bomb.