As those who know me can attest, I am a grown a** woman. Sure, sometimes the laundry pile gets a little tall and maybe you’ll find dog hair tumbleweeds under the chairs, but I keep this place rolling. The kids are dressed (usually in clean clothes, too), the dogs make it to their vet appointments, the family calendar is synced, and school stuff gets handled.
It’s like a well oiled machine around these parts.
Bwahahahahaha! Just kidding. We’re more like a squeaky wheel that occasionally needs extra air, but we’re holding our own.
And yet sometimes I’m done. D-o-n-e, done. We shall call this list:
Things I Just Cannot Handle Anymore
** I’m shoving cushions back into the couch every single time I walk by. Every single time. How hard is it to get up off that thing without dragging down the front?
** I’ve developed some sort of hyper alert sense of smell. Strange leftovers in the fridge. Something hidden at the bottom of the trash can. Stinky socks piled in the laundry room. The odor creeps into my brain, sets up camp, and fires neurons for hours.
** Handling these dogs is like wrangling toddlers. One oversized fur ball who throws herself full force at any kid who wanders through, desperately trying to lick their sweet faces. Another who alternately barks like a lunatic protecting the homestead and pushes up against legs, begging for snuggles.
** The stars are abundant, the nature’s divine, the setting’s tranquil…but the spiders. Lord Almighty, the spiders.
** My dietary requirements are flexible. I can go for days without a “real” dinner, and breakfast is usually coffee and a breakfast bar. Even lunch is hit or miss, depending on my mood. But these kids – these kids, with their appetites and their growth spurts and their vitamins and minerals. Sheesh! It’s exhausting.
** Exactly what is so difficult to understand about “come home when the streetlights come on”? I mean, really, the lights are either burning or they’re not. And they’re streetlights so they’re tall and hard to miss. Shoot, there’s one right outside our front door! Light glowing? Come home. It’s a very straightforward system.
** How is it the kids can remember to check the gas level in the go cart before heading out but will leave dirty clothes languishing in their rooms for weeks? One of those things seems much simpler than the other, and it’s the one that doesn’t involve an engine.
** I can’t help but wonder how much dog hair I’ve ingested over the years. You’d think we’d be a bit more catlike around here, coughing up hairballs once in a while to clear our systems.
** You know what’s super fun? Opening the pantry to find empty boxes stuffed back on shelves. Took the last pack of crackers? Whatever, just stick the box back. Ate the last cookie? Someone else will take care of that trash. Nutrigrain bars, Cliff bars, cereal, granola bars…all items that come in a box, all boxes that I have found sitting completely empty in our pantry. Come on, kids, the counter where you put recycling is only three steps to the left. You Can Do It.