what valentines would look like if I wrote for Hallmark

BrightSide’s never been a huge fan of Valentine’s Day.

We show our love every day.  It’s the little things, not the cards and flowers and chocolate, that tell the people we love how much they mean to us.  What makes February 14th the ultimate litmus test for a relationship?

Yada, yada, yada, no last minute runs to the flower shop for him.  (Although, in an extreme case of irony, I have a beautiful vase of roses sitting behind me as I write.  BrightSide dropped by the store on the way home yesterday and spotted them there; I’m not normally a flowers kind of gal, but they were a really nice surprise.)

At any rate, since there’s a whole bunch of us out here who live a less than glamorous existence – what, you mean you don’t eat brunch draped in diamonds? – I thought I’d offer up some real life Valentines.  You know, for the rest of us.

I love you more than
fresh guacamole

that hasn’t turned
a gross brown
around the edges.


Nothing says I love you
like someone who
takes your car for
an oil change.


You are more precious to me
than coffee,
but let’s get real…
I’m cranky pants without it,
so keeping me stocked
is in your best interest.


The dogs love you.
The kids love you.
I love you.
Please take out the recycling.


Though it seems beyond the pale,
I love you more
than our tween

loves his phone
ten seconds after he has
left his friends.


You know how the dog
shoves her head up under your chin
then digs her paws
into your ribcage
so she can burrow in further?
This is my love for you.
And the dog.
It’s my love for you and the dog.
But mostly you.
(Don’t tell Phoebe.)


You are more precious to me
than my leftovers
from Texas Roadhouse.
(Though it won’t be pretty
if you eat my ribs.
Just sayin’.)

16 thoughts on “what valentines would look like if I wrote for Hallmark

  1. I’m so with you on the displays of affection that really mean it. Truth be told, I’m too frugal to see beyond the cost of Valentine’s Days roses. Sure, sure, a lovely sentiment, but you paid HOW much for these?

    My husband just came back from retrieving the recycle bins. I told him “thank you.” He was surprised, but accepted my gratitude.

    Liked by 1 person

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