The Ugly Truth

Some things in life are simply awesome.  You’re happy when they show up, and life is good.  Maybe not angels singing from on high, life altering kind of good, but still…good.

My adult self was distressed to discover not all good things are created equal, though.  Some are moderately good.  Some are barely good.  Then some are an evil sort of deception that looks good but turns out to have an underbelly of what-the-hell.

These are some of the Ugly Truths lurking in my grown up world.

Kleenex boxes vs. those purse packs from Amazon.

Y’all, I’m not even talking about those crazy expensive tissues with lotion…I mean the plain old garden variety Kleenex tissues in a big box that I put on my counter (hopefully out of reach of the dog).  But North Carolina has dropped the delight of year round allergies in my lap, so I pretty much need tissues wherever I go.  Imagine my delight when I saw a set of ten purse packs on Amazon – again, Kleenex, plain old regular Kleenex.  Then there came the sorrow when I pulled the first tissue out only to feel sandpaper rub across my raw nose.  Owwww.

Great hand lotion vs. hand lotion I think will be great.

I can’t say I cared much either way about this when I was younger.  Then hand washing to combat school germs and constant hand washing for diaper changes and dry skin in the winter came along…let’s just say it got important, and I found a kick ass hand cream.  I keep tubes of it everywhere – my purse, car, bedside table, and kitchen drawer.  It’s my Go To.  But then I picked up a cocoa hand lotion for some teachers and it just smelled so yummy that (ahem) I may have picked up a tube for myself.  It’s delightful, it smells heavenly…and it also makes the dog lick my hands until I have to sit on them in self-defense.

Surprise mail vs. surprise mail for my kids.

I love mail.  All kinds of mail.  Letters, packages…even e-mail and texts make me happy in a bizarre little twist on tradition.  My kids (not surprisingly) love mail, too, and who can blame them?  It’s exciting.  An envelope with your name on it that has exactly zero chance of being a bill.  Except the Ugly Truth about my kids’ mail is that over the years a disproportionate amount has had some sort of glitter on it.  G-l-i-t-t-e-r.  The substance that gets all over hands, the counter, the carpet when they carry it across the room…glitter is the kudzu of craft materials.

Perfect athletic wear vs. painful pants.

Sometimes I put on a pair of yoga pants and just…ahhhh.  Slick, smooth, plus they fit flawlessly.  Basically they’re half of the perfect outfit, and after a fourteen hour day they’re still just as comfortable as the moment I put them on.  Then there’s the impulse buy – the pair of pants I see online that look just like the pair I own, and they’re on sale?!  What?!?  Done and done.  But then the package arrives and I tear into it, only to find pants that are not a thing like my magic yoga pants.  The waistband scrunches, the length is wrong, and the material feels rough.  The fact that not all yoga pants are created equal is a sad fact indeed.

Delightful Valentine’s candy vs. the Valentine’s equivalent of Little Shop of Horrors.

I know, I know…it’s the thought that counts and we should appreciate the effort and if it comes from love then that’s all that matters.  Rest assured, I have done my parental duty and passed all these sentiments along to my children.  But here in the real world, candy matters.  There’s candy that tastes good to me and candy that doesn’t, and there’s really not a whole lot of wiggle room in between.  Chocolate, red Twizzlers, chewy SweetTarts, Reeses Cups – the list goes on and on of the sweet treats that bring a smile to my face.  You know what doesn’t?  Those godawful Valentine’s SweetHearts.  They’re hard, chalky, and make my teeth feel all gritty.  If the choice is SweetHearts or nothing, I’ll go candy-free for Cupid’s holiday.  Thanks anyway.

6 thoughts on “The Ugly Truth

    • Ugh, no kidding! We were in Michaels today and I could barely make myself walk past the glitter display. I think it says something when even the KIDS talk about wanting to send someone a glitter bomb…

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I had an ugly hand cream truth just yesterday. The store didn’t have my usual brand, and my hands are too dry to wait for a restock, being as it’s dead winter and the heat is on. So I bought a tube that looked equivalent. Once home, I realized I had purchased a tube of “foot cream”. Oh well, I’ll use it anyway. Cream is cream, right? And it’s probably not worth the gas to drive back to the store to return it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, you’re probably right about the gas thing, but fair warning — I actually put foot cream on my hands once, and it’s definitely a different formula (I guess since it’s designed to sit on your feet and sink in overnight). More petroleum or emollient (or are those the same?) or something…on the plus side, your hands will be silky smooth! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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