BrightSide and I were watching TV on Sunday afternoon – well, I guess that’s not really accurate.  I came into the family room to watch TV with him, but once I realized he had golf on it became more of a “hanging out in the same space” sort of thing.  ‘Cuz golf.  You know.

Regardless.  I was working on the blog when a commercial caught my eye.  It was for a new washing machine by Whirlpool, one that will magically inspire your teenager to do their own laundry.  Uh huh.

But it got me thinking…there’s a reason I don’t work in the advertising agency, and that’s because I took one look at that commercial and did the real life translation in my head.


Exhausted mom folding a pile of laundry calls out “HEY!” when teenage son drops a huge armful of dirty clothes beside the washing machine.  Scene changes to the same tired mom with a new Whirlpool intuitive touch washing machine.  Teenage boy enters laundry room, drops armful of clothes into machine, pushes two buttons then asks “What?” as she stares at him.

Translation:  There’s an entire generation that’s grown up with iPads and smartphones in hand, so we’re gonna design a washing machine with ridiculously simple controls.  Ones that mimic the minimalist approach.  We gotta dumb that shit down so the generation glued to their apps will get to work.

Mayhem guy is a teenage girl driving a pink truck.  His BFF Becky texted him saying she kissed Johnny and now he’s emotionally compromised because he likes Johnny.  Whoopsies, bam, and OMG…he just careened into the back of some lady’s car.  Better get Allstate.

Translation:  Girls are hormonal, unpredictable creatures who say things like BFF and OMG.  A single text can unhinge them, so if you have a daughter then for the love of God you’d better get good insurance because there’s an excellent chance she’ll plow into somebody’s car while in tears over some boy.

Tween fakes getting her period…with red glitter nail polish.  Bwahahahaha!  Except when she gives her mom tone for asking about it (“What do you THINK it is?  I’m on my lady days.”) her mom blows it out of the park by throwing her a First Moon party.  Vagina cake.  Bobbing for ovaries.  Pin the pad on the period.  I’m linking because you’ve got to see this one.  Seriously.  You’ll thank me.

Translation:  It’s universal – every kid on the planet thinks their parent is a moron.  Play along if you’re looking for fun but never, ever let them forget in the end that mama knows everything.  (ps – If you can’t laugh about the cherry slush club, what can you laugh about?)

Dad and kids are playing soccer in the front yard when he spots an ice cream truck approaching.  Using master skills, dad swiftly hustles kids into the car for a “new game!!” – a head banging sing along session that drowns out the ice cream truck music passing behind them.

Translation:  Thinking on your feet is a survival skill when it comes to parenting.  Thinking on your feet when an ice cream truck is almost within earshot?  That doesn’t just save your sanity, it can save you from a stampede, too.