1. Are my dogs the only ones who talk? Phoebe has an assortment of rumbles, everything from “I’m sleepy” to “rub my tummy, rub my tummy, rub my tummy.”
2. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve even heard the hint of a growl from Gracie, which was why I was so shocked to hear T-man say she’d growled at him. Apparently she really didn’t want him to take away BrightSide’s sock while she was happily gnawing it.
3. It’s April and decidedly past time to put away the snowman decorations. I wonder how many days it’ll take to make that a reality.
4. One of the kids double dog dared me to get the haircut I had in middle school. Girl…there ain’t enough money in the whole wide world to convince me to butcher my hair like that again.
5. Speaking of hair, I had this weird dream where I saw a photo of me with hair down to my butt. Hippie hair. That didn’t look any better than the short haircut from seventh grade.
6. We find it a little crazy that Phoebe can lie with her spine in an S curve. Forget just lying all crooked, she can sleep that way.
7. Love my Amazon Prime streaming. I can watch all kinds of random tv during the day, and there are (pretty much) family friendly options so I won’t scar my kids for life when they stumble into some graphic violence or explicit sex scene.
8. Hate being surprised by my Amazon streaming when a show I thought was relatively harmless suddenly cuts to a loud, vividly revealing sex scene echoing through the house. I can’t scramble fast enough for the remote as I curse the show’s writers.
9. I started watching The Americans. I’ve just begun season two and it’s freaking awesome. On a side note, these KGB and FBI folks sure do have a lot of sex. It is definitely not kid friendly unless you’re looking to have a real uncomfortable talk.
10. As I type this Phoebe has propped her head on my knee, curving her nose around so it rests on the keyboard. And there’s the rumble – “Why did you stop rubbing my head?”
11. Last week was…umm…yeah. No words. So Friday I stopped at the nail salon and got a pedicure with “A Grape Affair.” Just because. Sometimes it’s the little things.
12. Oh dear, now Phoebe is snoring and I have to leave for the school in 15 minutes.
13. Birds are chirping merrily outside. I wonder if they know it’s gonna be 80 degrees today.
14. The pollen has been a killer this week. Between that and the temp, if you need me I’ll be hibernating.
15. My least favorite phrase at the moment is, “Mom, would you talk to ___ about…” Dude and dudette, you have got to learn to handle yo sh*t.
16. Most of the time I carry a mom purse – everything but the kitchen sink is in there. But leave the house without it and one of the kids hits crisis mode that can only be solved with Orajel, Advil, or a bandaid. Every single time.
17. I’m fairly certain half my shoulder problems have to do with carrying that purse around.
18. And lifting the 85-pound fur ball into the car’s cargo area since princess has recently decided she’s not into that jumping thing anymore.
19. It doesn’t help my lower back either.
20. Nor did spending five hours sitting on hallway floors last weekend while Bear did her science competition. I am so old.
21. I mean that literally. I am so old. It used to be just a frame of mind, what with all my aches and pains, but I’ve come to realize that a good number of people I know are younger than me. Which makes me the old biddy of the group.
22. But who says old biddies can’t do tequila shooters? Not me.
23. I’ll take drinking songs for 800, Alec.
- “one bourbon, one scotch, one beer”
- “Wasted away again in Margaritaville, searching for my lost shaker of salt”
- “Alcohol, my permanent accessory/Alcohol, a party-time necessity/Alcohol, alternative to feeling like yourself/Oh Alcohol, I still drink to your health”
- “Red, red wine, goes to my head”
24. Super proud I had to google to come up with four drinking songs. (I decided “100 bottles of beer” didn’t count.)
25. I can’t say I understand the gin martini. Vodka martinis, yes. But gin martinis look like they’d taste like paint thinner.
26. Listening to Bear comparison shop the price point of Lays vs. Pringles made a thrifty mama proud. We’ll tackle the nutritional values another time.
27. Grape colored toes. Just had to say it again.
28. Dropped off the neighbor’s kid after percussion practice and picked up two more for the thirty second ride home. (Those young legs get so weary.) Couldn’t stomach the idea of toting them in the cargo area, though. I’m a little stick-in-the-mud that way.
29. I just clicked on Google’s “I’m feeling lucky” button and got info for “How big is the head of the Statue of Liberty?” Now this looks like a fun way to pass the time.
30. Top searches starting with “How do I know”: 1) if I have the flu, 2) if I have a yeast infection, 3) if my phone is unlocked, and 4) if he likes me. I’m starting to wonder about metadata collection.