Okay, we can probably agree that public bathrooms are nobody’s favorite place to pass the time.  Some facilities are nicer than others, but the plain truth is that bears like to do their business in the woods while we tend to prefer the privacy of our own homes.

Interesting fact:  Hibernating bears can go the whole winter without going to the bathroom.

But until we figure out how to hold it like a sleepy bear, humans have to deal with public bathrooms.

some serious wtf issues with life in public restrooms

**  What sort of massive biohazards are companies expecting in their bathrooms these days?  I open the door and am immediately submersed in an overpowering cloud of sickly sweet perfume.  I look up and see the deoderizer attached high on the wall, a steady stream of toxic fumes pouring into the small room, and wonder if I can knock it down with a solid purse strike.

**  I hesitate to give a great deal of thought as to why restroom floors are so grimy.  Okay, sure, maybe some pee around the toilet if you’ve got folks with particularly bad aim (but again, in the women’s room?!), but why are my shoes making that thwwaaack noise peeling off tile as I cross in front of the sinks?

**  Let’s get real for a moment.  Many of us deal with Lady Time once a month (oh joy), a personal issue that almost always involves a public restroom at one time or another.  But can we please, please address the girls who don’t take care of business?  They put a freaking disposal box right there in the stall; how hard is it to wrap up your product and throw it away?  I’ll answer that.  It’s not.  You’d rather flush?  Well, fine.  But how about you check to see that your particular item actually left the bowl?  Because I can’t tell you what a delightful conversation I enjoyed with Bear after she found a bloody tampon in a toilet three years ago.

**  In theory, automated systems cut down on germs in there.  No faucets to turn on the water, no pumps for the hand soap, no handles to get paper towels.  This all seems like a great plan right up until I face an automatic sink shooting water like a firehose.  That stuff ricochets up off the sink, soaking my shirt, and I’m wondering if killing germs was worth the enormous water splotches covering my chest.

**  Automated soap dispensers have become a thing for, again, germ management.  Cool beans, but I’m befuddled as to why companies mount these between the sinks.  Some of these sensors seem to think we need half a cup to cleanse properly, so if you move your hand even a second too soon you end up with a big puddle of soapy suds on the floor.

**  The first time I used one of those Xlerator dryers it was like magic.  Dry hands in 3.4 seconds flat.  But I was completely distracted by the sight of air blowing so hard it made the skin on my hands vibrate, so much so that I failed to realize what was happening.  Guess what can burn your hands if you leave them under the blower too long?  Yep.

**  I don’t have a problem with paper towels.  I do have a problem with people who wash their hands, use a couple of towels, miss the trash can while throwing them out, then leave them on the floor.  I’m sorry, princess…did you forget to bring along your personal assistant so you wouldn’t have to bend over?  Aww…so sad.  Now pick up your trash.