Full disclosure: Being as unhip as I can possibly be, just because I’m writing about it doesn’t mean that I’ve heard it. Frankly, I didn’t have the wine on hand necessary to listen to multiple hits off the Hot 100 list yesterday. This is the result.
I’m The One – DJ Khaled et. al
Well, Khaled’s mama doesn’t need to worry herself about self-esteem issues. This fella’s got oodles and oodles. DJ Khaled’s got so much confidence he’ll even record with Justin Bieber without worrying his rep will take a hit.
That’s What I Like – Bruno Mars
Ooooh, baby. ‘Nuff said.
Humble – Kendrick Lamar
Well, this is a first. I mean, I’ve seen a lot of song titles, but this particular adjective is…unique these days. Frankly, I don’t know what to do with it. Next.
Body Like A Back Road – Sam Hunt
Curvy? Narrow? Gravelly? Dirty? Um…okay.
Issues – Julia Michaels
Oh lawd, this could be my theme song! “What’s going on, mama?” [bada-thump-thump-thump] I got ISSUES! “What’s wrong, mama?” [bada-thump-thump-thump] I got ISSUES! Issues all day, issues all night, more issues than a magazine about first in flight. Mama’s got issues! (Hey, I never claimed to be a songwriter.)
It Ain’t Me – Kygo x Selena Gomez
Good grief, every parent on the planet could write their own lyrics to this one.
Bad Liar – Selena Gomez
No, mama, I didn’t break-the-lamp-leave-the-ball-out-kick-the-cat-steal-your-gum-eat-the-last-granola-bar-draw-on-the-wall-track-in-mud-hit-the-car-lose-my-sneakers. It was the-dog-the-other-cat-my-friend-my-other-friend-the-neighbor-the-other-neighbor-the-stranger-who-ran-through-our-house-on-the-way-down-the-street.
Oh, my child, my child. You are a Bad Liar.
Rolex – Ayo & Teo
Yep, this one’s less surprising than “Humble.”
Strip That Down – Liam Payne Featuring Quavo
Dedicated to the population for whom this is less “peel those clothes off” and more “let’s drag that old dresser outside and start a new home project.”