one totally unhip mom’s translation of Hot 100 song titles

Full disclosure:  Being as unhip as I can possibly be, just because I’m writing about it doesn’t mean that I’ve heard it.  Frankly, I didn’t have the wine on hand necessary to listen to multiple hits off the Hot 100 list yesterday.  This is the result.

I’m The One – DJ Khaled et. al

Well, Khaled’s mama doesn’t need to worry herself about self-esteem issues.  This fella’s got oodles and oodles.  DJ Khaled’s got so much confidence he’ll even record with Justin Bieber without worrying his rep will take a hit.

That’s What I Like – Bruno Mars

Ooooh, baby.  ‘Nuff said.

Humble – Kendrick Lamar

Well, this is a first.  I mean, I’ve seen a lot of song titles, but this particular adjective is…unique these days.  Frankly, I don’t know what to do with it.  Next.

Body Like A Back Road – Sam Hunt

Curvy?  Narrow?  Gravelly?  Dirty?  Um…okay.

Issues – Julia Michaels

Oh lawd, this could be my theme song!  “What’s going on, mama?”  [bada-thump-thump-thump]  I got ISSUES!  “What’s wrong, mama?”  [bada-thump-thump-thump]  I got ISSUES!  Issues all day, issues all night, more issues than a magazine about first in flight.  Mama’s got issues!  (Hey, I never claimed to be a songwriter.)

It Ain’t Me – Kygo x Selena Gomez

Good grief, every parent on the planet could write their own lyrics to this one.

Bad Liar – Selena Gomez

No, mama, I didn’t break-the-lamp-leave-the-ball-out-kick-the-cat-steal-your-gum-eat-the-last-granola-bar-draw-on-the-wall-track-in-mud-hit-the-car-lose-my-sneakers.  It was the-dog-the-other-cat-my-friend-my-other-friend-the-neighbor-the-other-neighbor-the-stranger-who-ran-through-our-house-on-the-way-down-the-street.

Oh, my child, my child.  You are a Bad Liar.

Rolex – Ayo & Teo

Yep, this one’s less surprising than “Humble.”

Strip That Down – Liam Payne Featuring Quavo

Dedicated to the population for whom this is less “peel those clothes off” and more “let’s drag that old dresser outside and start a new home project.”

4 thoughts on “one totally unhip mom’s translation of Hot 100 song titles

  1. I have entered the Old Fart Zone when it comes to keeping up with music. I used to pride myself on knowing almost all of the acts on the Grammys/MTV Awards/Billboard Awards but slowly (or maybe not so slowly…time goes so much faster at the end of life…) I have lost that pride. I now know practically no one on these shows. Thank goodness Cher showed up on one of them (tho I would have loved to see her in more clothing and singing new songs…there is a sadness to trying to recreate the past…I say, reinvent yourself for the future (Madonna are you listening?). Thankfully Adele will never have that problem as she (like Babs Streisand and Celine) is timeless.

    Liked by 1 person

    • As soon as I stop chauffeuring these kids around I’ll be right there in the Old Fart Zone with you. I much prefer NPR or, you know, music I like but my girl prefers the top 40 stations. The young ones parading around 70% naked make me roll my eyes but I want to shake ladies like Cher and remind her she’s a grown ass woman who ought to know better.

      Liked by 1 person

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