we have a new world order and nobody bothered to tell me

“Do you have any children?”

“No.  My husband has cystic fibrosis so we weren’t able to have kids.”


“We tried to adopt in 2015 but they told us no.”  [voice drops to a whisper]  “Unless you’re single or gay you don’t get the kids today.”

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph – what on earth?!

The things you overhear in a waiting room.

One of my doctors works out of our local hospital, and I’ve come to find this increases the odds of running into someone I know by roughly 200% or so.  This likelihood is naturally the same for all the people around me, so it’s not at all unusual to be waiting for a checkup while listening to Aunt Bea and Mama Sue trade the latest church gossip.  I mostly just keep my head down and ears open.  Eavesdropping can do wonders for passing the time, you know.

But this time there was sort of a stutter stop as time slowed.  You could almost see the thought bubble form over my head: Wait a second… and then, as the instant replay confirmed this nonsense had actually been uttered aloud… A hoo-ha says WHAT?  I raised my head from my book and slowly turned around because really, how could I not?

That’s right, these folks were seated directly behind me, and I gave perhaps a millisecond’s thought as to whether they’d see me looking before realizing I did not give one red hot damn.  Because a hoo-ha says WHAT?!

She was rather nondescript.  A forty-something white woman with short brown hair – the sort of no nonsense haircut one gets when she doesn’t want to mess with locks anymore – wearing what I can only describe as grownup clothes.  In this area, “grownup clothes” often translates to coordinates from JC Penney’s, Belk’s, or Dillards, depending on your shopping habits.

But what struck me most acutely was that snotty comment.  “Unless you’re single or gay you don’t get the kids today.”  Stop the presses!  Because apparently this woman has discovered the one area in which gays and the unattached have an edge on white, heterosexual, married women.

Who knew that the gays and single folks were adopting up all the kids?  Except gee…this doesn’t account for the gay people who fight the system to get approved.  Or the fact that often only one partner can be listed on the new birth certificate.  Or that some states don’t even recognize the adoption because, well, we can’t let those children go into homes just to be turned into homosexuals.

Having been through the adoption process myself I’m doubting even the suggestion that single people have it much easier.  Adoption and easy?  You might as well try to marry acrophobia and skydiving.  There might be a once-in-a-blue-moon case out there, but I’ve yet to hear about it.

Oh, I had dozens and dozens of questions I wanted to ask her, but wouldn’t you know that’s when the nurse called my name?

16 thoughts on “we have a new world order and nobody bothered to tell me

  1. This seems like the kind of thinking that leads to the belief that white men are the ones that are oppressed while black people and women are the ones who get special treatment, often justified with examples such as affirmative action and ladies night at the club. My eyes, they roll.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It would have taken me everything to keep my lips zipped at that woman… Particularly since when we first started towards international adoption the agency we were working with was very clear about how homophobic many countries were and that so many did not allow single parents to adopt (particularly men). I so wish it was easier for gay couples and single parents to adopt… Hell I wish it was easier for everyone to adopt as we’ve been on the road for so many years with infertility and failed adoptions and get those stupid people saying “just adopt” as if we could just go to a vending machine and stick in a dollar and out would come a child.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That “why don’t you just adopt?” comment is the worst! I can’t say I always handled it gracefully — I think I came back with “why didn’t WE think of that” once — but hey, we’re all doing the best we can. I wish it would all open up, too. So many kids who need loving homes…


    • Thanks for reading! Strangers’ conversations are a hobby of mine, but once in a while I get one where I’m like “well, THAT’S tomorrow’s blog post…”


  3. Say what now?

    I have tried to type several things and I think they’re all the sorta thing I shouldn’t type. No nurse to call my name, so I’ll leave with That bitch be trippin.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The beliefs people can develop often make my mouth drop open, then what follows is words that pour out unbidden, and often get me in trouble. I find myself totally unable to accept that kind of ignorance silently. But, I guess we all have our defense mechanisms don’t we?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Is she crazy?! About the only place this may be easier for gay and singles to adopt is through the fostercare system. And I have a sinking suspicion that’s not where this woman was trying to adopt from. I know many agencies require you to have religious beliefs that coordinate with theirs. Maybe that was the problem. Shaking my head…some people.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ummm…in my entirely inexpert opinion, yes. She was crazy. It’s not like agencies are looking for reasons to turn away adoptive parents so I tend to think there’s a reason…but that wasn’t the message she was looking to put out there, I guess.

      Liked by 1 person

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