1.  No one will make sure I have ten minutes of peace in the shower except me.

2.  Doors have locks for a reason.

2a. Especially when the thought of my son walking in on me naked is horrifying.

2b.  Not that Bear’s intrusion would be a treat.

3.  Toenails with most of the polish chipped off are pretty sad.

4.  Also sad: someone who can’t spare twenty minutes to paint said toenails.

5.  Then again, it’s bad for my blood pressure to take those twenty minutes and paint my nails only to have the dog step on them before they’re dry.

6.  Old people knees (and backs and shoulders and arms) get sore way too easily.

6a. It’s hard to argue I’m not old when my back hurts from cutting up broccoli.

6b. This makes me question the importance of broccoli.

6c. Just kidding. Iron, nutrients, balanced diet, blah blah blah.

7.  I bet some of you are wondering what the peacock has to do with any of this.

8.  I took that photo while sitting on the grass with the peacock.  It wasn’t until I was up that close I realized their feathers are almost iridescent.  She (he? it?) was like a stunning chameleon.  Except, you know…I could see her.

9.  The dog and the ducks just makes me laugh.

10.  We experienced The Great Solar Eclipse here without anyone turning to devil worship or erecting altars to Martha Stewart.

11.  We also experienced the joy of extraordinary cloud cover so it was, at best, minimal viewing.  Still, even though we had eclipse glasses, I’m now one of a handful of friends wondering if I’ll end up with some sort of vision damage down the line.  ‘Cause, true confession: there was a bit of peeking when everything went dark through the clouds.

12.  Boy, am I gonna feel stupid admitting that to my optometrist.

13.  I was all cool cucumber leading up to the day of the eclipse, but that morning I learned an acquaintance had driven three hours so her kids could experience the [dum dum dummmm] Path Of Totality.  So then I had all the mommy angst because I’d denied my children a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

14.  I found out later she got stuck in gridlock for eight hours straight trying to drive home that day.  Her car was literally in park on the interstate for almost three hours.  Eventually they just stopped to stay in a hotel room for the night.

14a. I am not entirely certain my kids and I would have survived the drive.

14b. Not coincidentally, I’ve experienced a sharp decrease in mommy guilt.

15.  Both fur babies have an appointment with the vet today.  I hate taking them for their vaccines.  It reminds me of taking our kiddos to the pediatrician, knowing they were gonna stick needles in their thighs.

16.  Plus Gracie’s developed a nasty habit of frothing at the mouth while there.  We’re talking drool to rival Niagra Falls.

17.  You know it’s bad when you have to wear old clothes because you’ll be soaking wet with dog spit by the time you get home.

18.  Plus waiting is always a back and forth between Phoebe hovering under my legs and me trying to convince her that we’re not at the dog park.

19.  On the plus side, they won’t be stuck listening to construction noise in the house all morning long.  I think Phoebe’s nerves are just about shot.

20.  Have I mentioned how awesome it is to have a Port-a-Potty in our side yard?  Right next to the basketball court.  Oh so convenient for when you have to pee before taking a foul shot.

21.  We had our old tub sitting in the front yard for an entire day, too.  Plus the dump truck that was parked in our driveway for two weeks.  We are killing it with the HOA, I tell you.

22.  They’re gonna ask if we’ll participate in next year’s Parade of Homes, I just know it.

23.  Everything in my room is covered in a constant layer of white dust.  Is that stuff even called dust?  All I know is that it marks up anything I put down in there.

23a. Dusty retainers are really gross.

23b. Along with dusty underwear, toothbrushes, and chargers.

24.  I’d be doing more laundry to fight it, but they keep cutting off my water during the day.

25.  If you don’t hear from me for a while, someone make sure I’m not trapped under drywall or sucking wind from this crap in my air.