Welcome to another episode of Kid Quotes, land of the wait, what was that? moment.


Bear, upon her return from camp and the family’s trip to California:  “I haven’t had sweet tea in TWO WEEKS.  TWO WEEKS, people.  We gotta fix this now.”

“You guys are weird.”  From both kids.  All the time.  Without any provocation at all, I swear.

T-man:  “Is this racist?”  We were watching a sidewalk show on the San Francisco pier and performers were ripping jokes on all the volunteers pulled from the crowd.  (BrightSide proudly represented the “middle age white guy” population.  Bless.)

“All your music sounds the same.” says the girl who listens to Top 40 stations where all the music sounds the same.


Bear:  “You could see their boobs.  And their skirts didn’t even cover their butts!”  T-man:  “Well, they were the high school cheerleaders…”  Apparently half naked is okay once you can drive.

“We were wondering what you wanted to do for Halloween this year.  You’re getting older and we know you don’t really want us hanging around -”  Bear: “Nope.  I don’t.”

“I don’t have anything to wear!”  “What are you talking about?  You’ve got plenty of clothes.”  “Not that meet dress code.”  “You can’t tell me you don’t have a single shirt up that that doesn’t meet dress code.”  “And they’re not clean.”  “Well, when’s the last time you washed your clothes?”  [dead silence]

“You need something other than carbs on your plate.”  T-man:  “No, this is enough.”  Not the point, man.  Not. the. point.

I was regaling the car with Red Cross jokes after the blood drive.  “Why would they tell vampire jokes?”  “Because it’s funny.  [silence]  Because they’re taking your blood.  [silence]  And vampires like blood.”  [silence]  Under fourteen is a tough crowd to impress.