a dog’s life, butts and otherwise

Owning a dog demands a certain willingness to abandon even the illusion of dignity, often within your own home.  Sure, your adorable pooch could beg for scraps during Thanksgiving dinner, but she’s just as likely to air out her nether regions on the dining room floor.  No matter that cousin Missy wants to impress her new fiancé – as far as dog priorities go, hooches are high on the list.

No matter your family traditions, your decor, your station in life – it’s hard to act all snooty while there’s a furry va-jay-jay flopping around on the floor.

I get the science behind a dog’s sniffer, but there’s still a certain degree of awkwardness when one dog’s got her nose buried in another’s pee pee place.  Gracie’s the most aggressive about this, snuffling up in Phoebe’s business every chance she gets.  I’m not sure if she’s checking Phoebe’s health or hormones or current bossiness level, but apparently it requires frequent rechecks.  Phoebe’s done her fair share of exams, but her fastidious sniffing is more catlike than canine.

Picture this: you’re sitting around watching the game with friends when in wanders your four legged baby.  She promptly plops her furry butt on the carpet, flops sideways, and launches an extensive examination of her personal area.  Now you’re faced with two choices.  Draw attention to the display by telling her to stop, or hope her urge to lick is short lived.  (Spoiler Alert: It’s never short lived.)  These sorts of displays are why dog owners barely flinch at the sight of another fur ball obsessing over her whoop-dee-doo.  They’re all exhibitionists.  Every last one.

Yet another endearing trait requiring one to check their dignity at the door is the crotch assault.  (By the dog, people.  Get your minds out of the gutter.)  Because there’s nothing like arriving home after a long day to a canine’s cold nose shoved between your thighs.  But hey, you’ve been gone eight whole hours…who knows what your coochie’s been up to.  Not your dog.  And she wants to.

Even better?  When someone else visits your home and receives this overly exuberant examination.  Especially someone who owns animals, because they smell the Most Delicious Of All and must be sniffed from every conceivable angle.  Animal people tend to be the most understanding since they, too, have given up the ghost on dignity.  Every once in a while you’ll get a squirrelly one, though.  Someone who owns birds or fish or a hamster.  Someone who smells utterly fascinating but doesn’t understand why a 90 pound golden is intimately acquainting herself with their personal scent.

Can you say Awkward?

7 thoughts on “a dog’s life, butts and otherwise

  1. Yes. Relatable, but more about my cats than my dog. My dog prefers to lick her bits in her crate, thank heavens. My cats? Oh my. I have a friend who says like clockwork, Clara flops down beside her and licks her t__t. Years have passed now, and every single time this friend arrives, Clara takes it as a cue to bathe. I’m glad my friend has a good sense of humor, but I remain slightly embarrassed, same as when kids do kid things, but still… why does Clara do this? :/

    Liked by 1 person

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