As someone who spent approximately 424 days eking out an existence in Massachusetts, this post Cracked Me Up.  Seriously, man, it is da bomb diggety.  And an invaluably informative piece for anyone considering relocation.

“I’ve recently moved out of Florida, a state I had lived in my entire life, and am sitting on the precipice of my very first winter that won’t involve sweat.  I don’t think it’s going to go well.  I am woefully unprepared for this shock to my system…So, I feel it’s my obligation as a Floridian to prepare any of my fellow Sunshine Staters should they be packing up and heading this way.  There are things I must tell you.

●  First of all, if you’re thinking about moving north or are in the process, ABORT MISSION.  You are absolutely, without a doubt, definitely going to die.  I’m not even exaggerating.  Okay, there may be some slight embellishment there, but no there isn’t, you are going to die.  It’s cold up north.  Have you heard about this?  There are other states where the average daily temperature isn’t hot as balls!  I’m serious!”

A South Floridian’s Guide To Moving North: I’m Sick and So Are You