Forever Family: odds and ends #5

**  While the foster system has its heart in the right place there are some pieces that jam up the works. They provide stipends to foster parents, but there doesn’t seem to be accountability when it comes to following the money.  One of the complaints bio moms had on the Facebook site was that foster parents were splitting their checks among their foster and biological kids, and now that we’re staring down the holidays?  It’s a tightrope.

**  T-man:  “Well, I guess Instagram’s gonna light up.”  me:  Why?  T-man:  “Because it’s about to be Christmas and everyone will post pics of what they got.”  me:  Uhhh…

**  So it turns out hearing the word “adoption” thrown around really does irk me.  I thought my friend was being overly sensitive when she said that, oh, about fifteen years ago or so but nope.  Hearing a hairdresser toss out “Don’t you just want to adopt him and take him home?” is like nails on a chalkboard.

**  There’s a difference.  When I’m out by myself, when I’m out with Bear, when I’m out with T-man – there’s a shift in the air depending on where we are and who I’m with.  I wonder if the two of them feel it, too.

**  “You got that from your father.”  It feels so natural coming out.  Then a second later it feels awkward.

**  There’s such a wicked trap of shoulds and shouldn’ts, especially when it comes to middle school.  It’s like quicksand in middle school, especially here at the holidays, what with who gave who what and whether you got something for that person, too.  Are they friends, or are they friends friends…drama in the making.

**  Accepting the fact that you can’t convince kids they’re lucky is hard.  Because they are, but sometimes when you try it comes out sounding like they’re lucky we came along.  And that’s a pretty crappy thing to put out there.  But what else is there to say when I’ve seen kids without power or clean water be extraordinarily grateful for a simple grocery bag of food?  It looks like I’m walking my own tightrope these days.

12 thoughts on “Forever Family: odds and ends #5

  1. I probably shouldn’t comment, because a) I don’t understand your experience and b) the likelihood that I’ll say something stupid is strong (stupid thoughts are strong with this boy). Anyway, given societal issues that should have been long relegated to the distant past and the delicate nature of communicating with your children anywhere between the ages of 5 and 55, you are on a tightrope.

    As for the “lucky” part, I always try to make that inclusive – “we are so lucky” – I grew up in circumstances that were not bad, but we realized exactly how close to bad we were. “we are lucky” was a common theme in adult-to-children conversations.

    That said, I thought you might enjoy one of my favorite songs:

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are doing the best you can. We all are. Although I have a side note. Where on earth do people foster and have money left over for additional children at Christmas? I’m floored. The FPs I know usually get $50-100 per birthday or Christmas for a child. Everyone I know spends more. Actually two of my boys had foster homes where there were NO presents for them despite the holiday money.

    It’s a sensitive area. I’m not sure there is any way to address meaningful topics without addressing the difficulties. But you do it so well.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Funny you mention “You got that from your father.”
    Imma tell you a thing now. One I’ll never forget. We took the boy one to the eye dr, and he got glasses. When his biological mother showed up eventually, she remarked on how of course he needed glasses. She said, “I’ve got glasses, you’ve got glasses, it was inevitable.”



    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: We Are Lucky – We Are Blessed – No Facilities

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