“You have a golden retriever?  Those are really good dogs.”

Um, okay…

You mean, like, good family dogs?  Definitely.  You mean “good” as in well behaved?  Well…


Gracie’s latest tally:

**  A small plastic bag of safety pins.  I found the evidence in her kennel – small bits of plastic along with about eight scattered safety pins, all closed, thank goodness.  We spent the next 24 hours praying she’d pass any she might have swallowed.

**  One hard boiled egg wrapped in a paper towel.  Guess I’m remaking my breakfast.

**  Tissue paper.  Lots of tissue paper.  Gracie wasn’t so much about helping wrap Christmas presents as eating tissue paper.  And bows.

**  Two and a half red noses.  You know the ones, kind of like what clowns wear.  BrightSide bought them so we could all be goofy when things get tense.  Well…I guess now one and a half of us can be goofy.

**  Bows, more tissue paper, plus a few good licks across my infinity scarf.

**  Candy wrappers.  ‘Cuz chocolate.

**  Four pieces of pizza out of a box in the kitchen.  FOUR.

**  Salmon with pasta leftovers that T-man set down on the coffee table.  While BrightSide and I were sitting right there on the couch.  Frankly, I didn’t know the lard ass could streak around the table that fast.

**  An empty green beans can.  The label was gone entirely, the can crushed in on itself.  Jaws of life indeed…

**  All of T-man’s lunch cookies when he got super pissed at her and walked away with a frustrated, “I’m DONE!  I hate that dog.”

**  Half a box of Cheerios.  Plus the box’s top.  And part of the plastic bag, too.

**  Grease remnants from the indoor grill.  That dog planted her huge paws on the counter and licked as fast as she could.  Guess she really loves her some chicken and steak.