Survivor: Never Say Die Nuptials

I don’t consider myself a huge reality tv fan.  Sure, there was a phase in life there when I carefully culled a handful of shows for my must see list – the first two seasons of MTV’s The Real WorldAmerica’s Next Top Model, What Not To Wear, and Project Runway were all entertaining go to shows.  Oh, and the first couple of Survivor seasons.  BrightSide and I thought that was a unique concept when it first came out.

“Castaways inhabit a remote destination and attempt to outwit, outlast and outplay each other for a prize of $1 million.”

Well, hell…come to think of it, that promo sounds an awful lot like marriage after all.

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Challenge One:  Long Term REM Deprivation

Deep, timber-like snores reverberating in your chest.  Thermostat set way too high or low.  Blanket hogs, heavy breathers, spread eagle sleepers that slowly crowd you off the mattress…you can be the most patient saint ever to pledge undying love, but everyone snaps eventually without proper REM sleep.

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Challenge Two:  Who Can Walk Past That Pile Of Towels Longest

Each pass ignites a fire of “why do I always have to put away the towels?” angst.  Blood pressure spikes, headaches throb, and frustration levels chip away at your sense of peace at home.  The stubborn streak of the righteous is a powerful motivation, and the sh*t storm that descends when someone caves is enough to make a grown person hide.

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Challenge Three:  Seriously?  Did you even get any toothpaste on your teeth?

After seven days locked in the bathroom together even the most compatible couple starts to show some wear and tear.  Not replacing the TP roll, leaving crap all over the vanity, a half inch of hardened toothpaste in the sink…by day eight someone’s gonna blow their stack, and that makes for great television.

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Challenge Four:  Who can survive the longest on week-old Chinese and stale cereal?

Bonus points for pawing through hard cheese and half drunk sodas.  Triple points for not even pausing as you slide aside moldy leftovers from last month.

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Challenge Five:  Dietary Warfare 101

The vegan and a Meatarian.  Kosher versus treif.  Keto versus, well, anything normal.  It’s just food…until you’re sharing a kitchen (and fridge) with someone whose diet makes your mouth (and eyes) water.

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12 thoughts on “Survivor: Never Say Die Nuptials

  1. Our second year living together was definitely the most difficult. The forgive every fault bliss of the first year had passed and the deep philosophical question of, “How do you manage to get your socks into the crusty ball, and are you sure you love me if you’re willing to punish me with them in the laundry?” Thankfully, we seem to have sorted out most of that out. I’d like to think we’d make the perfect team to take on your challenges and win the trophy hahaha

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