I feel like a competent human being. Generally speaking, that is. Sure, I struggle with some things more than others, but overall I don’t think I’m likely to end up with one of those Darwinian awards. So I’ll be rolling along, living my life, when BOOM – I run smack dab into another tween/teen moment and think crap, here we go again.

This may sound remarkably jaded (or worse, callous), but there’ve been times recently when my kids have thrown out a comment about how adoption/race/not fitting in is crushing and I can’t decide whether to take them seriously. I know, right? That sounds awful. But mama didn’t raise no fool and these kids are smart…I’ve found evidence of manipulation already, so now I’m stuck wondering are you really feeling traumatized by your life or are you just pissed that you lost your phone?

Either way it feels like a lose/lose situation to me.

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

I’ve been feeling raw. It’s a combination of life, personal issues, raising tweens/teens, the news – I’ve just felt overwhelmed lately. I keep on plugging ‘cuz that’s what parents do, but damn, can a woman get a day to herself?

I thought I had seven blissful hours at home to do (yay!) blogging or (meh) housework on Wednesday. Woo hoo! I celebrate days I can kick it in sweats. Even if they involve laundry. But then there was the call from school and juggling one kid’s pickup so the other can make it to an unexpected dentist appointment and there goes the whole afternoon. Yeah, yeah, it’s part of the parenting gig, but come on…I needed the day.

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

I can’t decide what to do about this Facebook group I’m in.

On the one hand, reading a range of viewpoints is good. Only being exposed to people who agree with you is a big part of what’s wrong with American discourse today, so how can I quit a group just because members voice another opinion? On the other hand, there’s a difference between reading a range of viewpoints and subjecting myself to abuse.

I don’t even know if that’s a good way to put it. Geez, this post is rambling today.

The most vocal women on there, usually birth mothers and adoptees, are furious about adoption. Furious. For them adoption is stealing someone’s child, deception, power plays, cruelty, a disruption of the natural family. It is pain, grief, and betrayal. A state sanctioned kidnapping that hides its ugliness behind the savior story of people swooping in to rescue a child.

I don’t think I’m part of the larger problem they’re railing against – although I supposed they’d say I am, since we adopted our kids. I don’t advocate adoption as a way to “rescue” children or sit around the campfire singing kumbaya, awash in the glow of our God-ordained family. But these women believe I stole our children away from their rightful mothers, causing them a lifetime of pain just to fulfill my own dream of parenthood.

I joined the group hoping to gain perspective from birth mothers and adoptees. I wanted to learn what it was like to miss your biological family or feel torn between two worlds. But it’s telling that I haven’t said a word in there for six months…I’ve seen how a misstep or poorly phrased question is handled by the members, including the page’s moderators.

I guess I was wrong. I do know what I need to do.