1. Travel. Opening your child’s world to endless possibilities. Opening your own world to endless conversations.
2. Like “What’s that smell?” Me: I have no idea. BrightSide: Pot. That’s pot. [blink, blink] Marijuana. [blink, blink] It’s legal in San Francisco.
3. Like “Why would you wear a swimsuit bottom that doesn’t cover your butt??” Me: Beats me. Thongs feel like tooth floss in all the wrong places. I have no idea why you’d want a suit like that. BrightSide and T-man: [crickets]
4. Like “omg, this dinner cost HOW MUCH?” Exactly. That exactly. Thank you.
5. I have for real got some zen going on. There were a number of things this week that would have sent me into a spin a few years ago, but now? It’s more like Cool. Let’s see what happens next.
6. Case in point: hearing the pilot announce that everyone needs to get off, they’re pulling the plane out of circulation and he’ll let us know if they find another one.
7. Three years ago this would have been a starter pistol launching me into Ultra Panicky Planning mode – what if they can’t find a plane? What other flights leave today? What other airlines offer this flight? How do we get our tickets transferred? How do we make sure our luggage gets there? Where do I start fixing this??
8. But now? “Oh. Okay. Well, let’s go get some lunch then.” BOOM. The end. No hyperventilating over all the stuff out of my control, no frantic sprint to Make It Work. Just…okay.
9. So this is what being at peace feels like. Crazytown.
10. Landing firmly in the win category for Best Delayed Flight Moment At The Gate. A three-year-old boy stands up at one end of the section and bellows across the waiting area: “DAVID JENSEN, YOU HAVE TO GO POO POO!” His mama turned twelve shades of purple as he shouted his announcement over and over again. Was he yelling at a brother? His dad? Who knows. I just know it was funny as hell.
11. Pool chair etiquette 101: Thou shalt not save more chairs than you need.
12. Pool chair etiquette 201: If a member of your party does not use said chair, make it available to others. Willingly. Without giving them the stink eye.
13. Pool chair etiquette 301: If you put a magazine on a chair at 8:00am then reappear briefly at 11:30 on your way to lunch, expect to hear people talking smack about you. Umbrella hoarders.
14. Landing firmly in the win category for Best Poolside Announcement. A little-ish boy, walking swiftly toward his dad, screeching: “I GOTTA GO PEE! I GOTTA GO PEE!!!”(There are a lot of bodily function commentaries in the win category today.)
15. A six hour time difference is nothing to sneeze at. You will wake up at weird times. You will be hungry at weird times. You will curse your neighbors for banging around at 3:00am then give up and get in the shower yourself.
16. “Huh. That does look pretty bad – maybe I should have reapplied sunscreen more often. Guess you were right, mom.” YOU THINK???
17. Crocs. When your child’s choice of souvenir easily qualifies as the world’s ugliest shoe. Bless.
18. Count the bags. Count the bags again. Does everyone have their bags?
19. Okay, one less now that we’ve checked a bag. Count the bags. Count the bags again. Does everyone have their bags?
20. [two minutes later] No, my friend, I don’t have your bag. I am in charge of only my own bags, young-uns. Keep up with your stuff. Love you, mean it, kisses for days.