“Yesterday my children tried to kill me. I know this because I watch a lot of true crime TV and there was a very similar case a few years ago. There was a husband who was trying to kill his wife, but make it look like an accident. For instance, they would go upstairs to kiss the kids goodnight and the stairs would be well-lit and empty and then he’d go down first. When she’d come down a few minutes later, the lights were off and the treads were littered with Matchbox cars because he was hoping she’d slip and fall to her death!”

Help. My Kids Are Trying to Kill Me.: People I Want to Punch in the Throat