Listen, I don’t wanna rag too hard on the DMV. Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt and say they’re doing their best. But putting aside the fact that people as a whole seem to struggle with following basic rules of the road, I think there’s room for a driver’s etiquette department.

Don’t laugh at me. I know people stiff their servers and don’t bother to hold the door, but would you give up on teaching reading just because people don’t walk around with their nose in a book? Some things are worth the time. Hope springs eternal. All that jazz.

And at the risk of seeming full of myself, I’d like to put forth a few suggestions for a comprehensive driver etiquette course.

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No whiffle waffling. All you aimless drifters, listen up now. You have got to commit. It’s rude not to. Right lane ending people, if you put on a blinker I will let you in. Otherwise I’m assuming you’re turning off somewhere, and when you don’t we end up in some clumsy standoff where you suddenly realize you have to speed up but I’m already past the point where I can let you merge and then look where we end up. Awkward.

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Make some space. Now let’s talk with you NASCAR drivers. You know who you are. Every commute is a competition, every carpool a race to the finish. Heaven forbid someone merge into your lane – but wait! You can let someone into traffic without the world coming to an end. I promise you’ll still make it to your destination even if you let a car (or three!) slide into the space ahead of you. There’s no finite number of cars that will make it home so be kind and merge.

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Forget selfish – it’s common courtesy. Use the lane. Picture this: Two turn lanes lead to the interstate. Those two lanes merge into one, then that lane merges into traffic. Right? Okay. Yes, we need to use the second lane. Yes, we need to cooperatively merge on the on ramp so no one gets in an accident acting like Mario Andretti. No, it doesn’t make sense for traffic to back up into the last light because you don’t want to be the first to get into the extra turn lane. MAN UP.

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Click, click, click, click. Since we’re talking about merging…turn signals. They are your friend. They’re your main method of communication with everyone around you, and considering a car’s lethal force you need to use every tool in the toolbox.

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Get out the way, get out the way, get out the way. Come on, now, sing it with me. This works on so many levels but it all boils down to one simple tenet: you do not own the road. Embrace the fact that we’re all sharing this space. Someone rolling up on you on the interstate? Move to the right so they can pass. Somebody needs your spot at the gas pump? Pull away and make room. But above all else, for the good of humanity, please please do not come to a halt in the middle of the road as you pull off. Whether you’re turning into your driveway, a grocery store parking lot, or the local post office nobody – and I mean nobody – needs to come to a full stop on a road with traffic.