“You may have been told to put yourself out there, pass along your adoption profile, get friends and family to pass on the message that you want to adopt. This has been a standard for a long time
You may have also been told to reach out to expectant mothers, especially those who have joined an adoption group on FB or an adoption forum seeing support.
Don’t do it.
How you adopt matters. Ethics matter, despite how desperate you feel, adopting in a way that you wouldn’t be proud to explain in detail about your choices and actions, taints your future child’s adoption story.”
“We take our kids to a pediatric dentist. He costs us far more than a “normal” dentist because he is a specialist, but I wanted to take my kids to a dentist who supposedly wouldn’t scare the shit out of them and who I assume is trained to work with the under 12 crowd.
This guy has an office that looks like a carnival. He has kids movies on the big screen, aquariums full of beautiful, bright fish, video games, stuffed animals, goody bags, balloons and, of course, ice cream (he’s gotta make sure we still keep getting cavities – he knows where his bread is buttered). His staff dresses in matching outfits that are different colors every day and they all have perky, glow in the dark smiles. That’s where the fun ends.”
“Over a decade ago, we went from a married couple to a married couple waiting to adopt a baby. (We were babies ourselves…holy moly!)
Choosing to adopt was a big step, but it was also one we were head-over-heels for. We couldn’t wait to be parents. But like most of the general public, what we knew about adoption was limited to the few kids we knew who were adopted, to a movie or two, and several misconceptions and stereotypes.
We did commit to learning, but experience truly was the best teacher of all. Because wow, did we believe some things that were simply not true.”
“Dear mother I don’t know,
I’m writing to talk to you about something that didn’t happen. That’s right. Something that did NOT happen. So this morning I was driving my kids to school and there’s a blind curve on our street and there was a large tree-trimming truck parked on the curve so I had to drive really slowly. Thank God. Because as soon as I rounded the corner, I saw it and slammed on my brakes as hard and as fast as I could.
Someone was in the middle of the road. Your son. On his bike. And I almost hit him. ALMOST.
He was riding down the middle of our street without a helmet, swerving left and right and left and right showing off to his friends who were riding on the sidewalk next to him. I get it, kids do stupid shit.”
“Adoption is knowing that children are not “lucky.” Losing their first family is not lucky; it’s unimaginable, heart wrenching loss that never, ever goes away. It’s knowing they may call someone else mom, and being OK with it.
Adoption is worrying about your child until 2am, wondering if you’ve tried hard enough, second guessing everything. It’s worrying you aren’t spending enough time worrying about your other kids because you are so worried about the one. It’s wondering if things will ever get better. Will any of us actually be OK?”