“As I said here, my marriage is sexist.
I don’t know why it’s sexist.
I don’t think we’re sexist.
Perhaps it’s better labeled ‘traditional.’
Only, I don’t think we’re terribly traditional.
By popular opinion, it seems that by getting married, having babies and staying home for most of the last fourteen years, I’ve failed to be a proper feminist.”
“Pretty much since the dawn of FM radio, DJs have played songs containing questionable lyrics. It’s a fact of modern life, it’s not going to go away, and generally, I’m OK with that. My kids will eventually understand these innuendos, just as I learned what Cyndi Lauper was singing about in “She Bop.” (Look it up.) Some of them are hilarious, especially when my kids mishear them: I think Ed Sheeran’s “Shape of You” would actually be a better song if it contained the lyrics “Last night you were in my room/And now my butt cheeks smell like you.” “
“Growing up, cleanliness and order were never priorities in my house. My family of five lived in a van until I was about four, my siblings and I sharing a chest of drawers for a bed. As fucked up as that is, it’s still a little bit adorable, admit it.
Once we settled into a bit more space, that space was decorated in the classic “insane petting zoo from hell” style. At one point, I shared my bedroom with seven chickens.”
“If you live anywhere other than under a rock you probably know all about the NFL players peacefully protesting racism by taking a knee during the national anthem. You may have also noticed that this has some white dudes seriously pissed off. They’re beefing about it on social media, refusing to watch NFL games and some are even going as far as to burn their season tickets or certain players’ jerseys. They’re protesting the protesting!
I’d like to protest the protest of the protest, but I think that would require me to take a knee while I burn my phone as one of their protest videos plays and that seems like an awful lot of work, so I’m just going to pass on that idea. I’ve decided instead to come up with a few alternative ideas to these protest protests and not one of them is nearly as bad for the environment as burning synthetic materials.”
“Doing laundry for yourself is like a rite of passage most of you should earn in your teens, but the sad fact of the world is that the majority of you still have your mommies washing your clothes every holiday break til you graduate college. Whenever it happens, this is something you gotta learn and if you do it wrong, there can be some disastrous consequences for your clothing, so let’s get it right.
- For the love of all that is good in this world, do NOT wash your clothes in a dishwasher. We’ve been through this. It’s not an option.
- Load the washer evenly. If the load is off-balance, the machine will stop mid-wash. Newer washers will readjust the loads themselves and let me tell you, the noise that emits is terrifying. It’s best to just do it yourself at the beginning.
- NEVER wash your clothes in hot water. You will shrink everything you own until they only fit your Cabbage Patch collection rejects.”