You know, I’ve been thinking lately about things I’m grateful I no longer have to do. Stuff like…
Wear dress shoes every day.
It boggles the mind to think I’ve held a job or two that actually required dress shoes. One was a particularly stodgy traditional company where women had to wear pantyhose with heels. Heels. I’m not philosophically opposed to dress shoes but my feet have a mind of their own.
Juggle alternative transportation.
My dad was what you might call old fashioned. There was no such thing as awesome, you’re sixteen, here’s a car! So it was no surprise when I left for college sans automobile since – shocker of shockers – I didn’t have the cash to buy one. Duh! That led to four years of coordinating bus schedules, bike times, leaving enough time to walk to class, or catching rides with friends. Let’s just say I really appreciate the convenience of a car to this day.
Constantly monitor the bladder and bowel habits of small people.
Yes, children are a blessing. Yes, every stage is precious. No, I don’t miss peppering kids with questions about the last time they went potty. Sue me.
Wear a real bra.
That’s right, I said it. Sure, I can deal with wearing a real bra, but sports bras are my jam.
Survive on Kraft mac & cheese and Ramen noodles.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, and sometimes that means boring food until payday. But it’s nice to have choices now.
Put up bulletin board displays.
All those bright, cheery displays you admire as you walk your kid’s hallway? Those are put up by real people. And let me just say, if you have even the mildest tendency toward OCD behavior, that designing then actually putting up a bulletin board is pretty much the seventh level of hell. There’s always that one letter that’s a millimeter off center but fixing it would mean taking down the whole thing and starting over and there goes another two hours of your life…
This means if I’ve ever volunteered for you and offered to help with a bulletin board that I really, really love you. Or I’ve forgotten exactly how hellish bulletin boards are. Or both.
Run five laps around the soccer field in 90 degree weather.
Y’all, I was in way better shape when I had to do this mess and it still made me feel like puking.
“Just try it!”
I am a grown ass woman and if I don’t feel like trying those world famous, life changing lima beans then I will for real not be eating them. Bless.
Panty hose and heels are unhealthy. I think they might even be part of a conspiracy.
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Indeed. And industrial strength spanx. How’s a girl supposed to eat lunch?!
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Or breathe!
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😆😆😆
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This is a great idea and a super post! Thanks, this was fun to read. I am thankful I don’t have to do several of those items anymore, too,
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Thanks, Nick. Being an adult kinda sucks sometimes but there are some perks. Gotta celebrate when we can, right?
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Exactly!
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While I really cannot leave the house without having the girls holstered, I am not a fan of the sports bras. Those are the bras that make me appear decent when my nephews are staying over, they don’t actually do bra things. lol
I am glad pantyhose are no more and I wear sandals to work several times a week, sometimes like today, even gold flip flops.
I rarely eat Kraft dinner or ramen, but I don’t mind to, cause rare.
I make fab bulletin board displays. Where is my prize?
Run, mmm, okay, a lil. In the heat? Girl, you must be outta your mind!
Fun post, Laura!
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Thanks, Joey! You know how bra lazy I am? I bought a “lounge bra” for when the kids have friends sleep over. It’s like a PJ bra, not even as structured as a sports bra, but it still counts so win.
Being fab at bulletin boards earns you permanent bragging rights and a big sparkly tiara. 🙌🏼
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Oh I do love to sparkle! 😛 Thank you!
Good job on the lounge bra!
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lol – sports bras are much more reasonable actually.
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And I am all about the reasonable. Plus I’m much nicer to be around when I’m not bitter about my undergarments. 😆
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Oh I remember working when pantyhose and heels were appropriate dresss. I kept those boxes of heels when we moved here for a few years een though my job here accepted jeans and sneakers, but finally got rid of them. Oh what a relief it was. D
I like lima beans, but there are some vegetables that are much more acceptable roasted with oil and garlic – broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts.
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I’m trying with those veggies, I really am. I’ve learned to love broccoli, and to be fair I haven’t tried cooked cauliflower (maybe ever?). I’ve had ZERO luck with roasted brussel sprouts and that’s a bummer ’cause my sister says they’re incredible. I’ll keep at it, though.
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you’re wearing a wire? yeh, you’ve got a 5-oh look going on
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😂😂😂
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Ha ha – that last one is great. I will never try lima beans again. Not happening. I should point out that I still request Kraft mac & cheese and Ramen noodles. My wife jazzes up the mac & cheese with some extra ingredients but she shakes her head at the fact that I still consider it a treat.
We’ve been allowed to wear jeans and sneakers all summer. The day after Labor Day is a return to Business Casual (which includes dress shoes).
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Dress shoes! Ack ack ack!! Dan, I am most sincerely sorry for you and your feet…
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Yep, with you all the way – except for the five laps and bulletin boards, I never did those. Sports bras? Best thing ever invented!
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Right?! I feel like they should receive some sort of humanitarian award…
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i love each and every one of these that you’ve mentioned, and can so identify with not having to do them anymore. here’s to freedom!
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Freedom! [clink! 🥂]
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