Repeat after me: turn signals are your friend. Learn to commit. Be kind and merge.
Now let’s move on to round two of our driver etiquette course.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Rolling the dice on those rolling stops. Okay, I’m not a driving nazi, I understand there are times when stop signs might be more of a suggestion than a command. Places like the way back of your own neighborhood at the butt crack of dawn when you can clearly see no cars are coming. (But if you’re in law enforcement and are reading this of course that’s creative license and I always come to a full and complete stop even at 5:00am. Ahem.) But out there in the real world, you have got to stop your car. Completely. For real. I’m making driving decisions based on your stopped vehicle and Bad Things Happen when 3,000 pound machines collide.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
“If you can read this YOU NEED TO GET OFF MY ASS RIGHT NOW.” ←The bumper sticker I wish I was brave enough to put on my car. Intellectually, I grasp that road rage is a serious problem in America. I know acting like a dick on the road invites unpredictable results AND YET I have an almost pavlovian response to tailgating. I’ll hold steady for thirty seconds – maybe they’re preoccupied, maybe they’re changing the radio station or taking a call, whatever. But if you’re still riding my bumper after those thirty seconds then I’ll gently ease off the gas. Just a bit. Just enough to catch your attention with a “hey buddy, if you don’t back off I will FOR REAL slow this puppy down.” It usually works. Usually. If not I’ll have to tap my brakes as a “hey BUDDY, if you don’t back off I WILL FOR REAL SHUT THIS MOTHERF*CKER DOWN.” Have I mentioned I take issue with tailgating?
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Could we set some appropriate bling levels, please? I’m all about personal expression. You wanna bedazzle your mode of transportation, be my guest. But maybe we could agree on some of the following:
- I love a bumper sticker. Love ’em! But if I’ve been behind you for more than a mile and still haven’t read all your stickers you might be oversharing.
- So you want to bling out your tires. I don’t get it, they’re TIRES for Pete’s sake, but you do you. Maybe we could reconsider those neon lights lining the rims, though.
- Can we go ahead and say splashing a giant decal across your entire back window isn’t the best idea? Seeing as an unobstructed view is pretty important to, you know, driving.
- Flames – okay. Sports teams – fine. Your car’s make – well, I don’t really get it since driving a Chevy sort of implies you love Chevy but whatever. But can we at least agree that divisive symbols don’t belong on the road? Just a thought.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Going deaf? Don’t take the rest of us with you. I love jamming out in my car as much as the next girl. Sometimes good tunes are the only thing that saves your commute. But if I’m stuck next to you in traffic and can’t hear my copilot over your thumping bass and unintelligible lyrics I’ve got two words for you: noise pollution.
This post, and these comments, made me LOL 😛 Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sometimes it’s a group effort. 😆
LikeLiked by 1 person
Gotta say I try not to be prejudiced – but when I hear your music blasting across several lanes of cars, I am going to assume you’re from a ghetto. As to tailgaters – I would love to have a James Bond kind of car that would instantly cause their tires to go flat. All of them.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yep, that would be the definition of prejudice. Around these parts the cars that bust your eardrums are almost always young white boys who are, shall I say, *enthusiastic* about their choice of music. Unfortunately it’s almost never the same as mine. 🙄
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree with all your points. There’s enough distractions on the road without dealing with a car loaded with every political or religious bumper sticker ever printed, or worse, stickers declaring every place they went on vacation. The flashing lights on tire rims have to go.
But the blaring music? Fageddaboutit!! That is the worst. Why do these idiots think the rest of us WANT to hear what they’re listening to? “Noise Pollution” is a good term. My mind goes to another phrase, but yours is much more ‘user friendly’!! Lol.
I have to say, Dan’s idea of blasting polka music would work for me!! 😂😂😂😂
🔹 Ginger 🔹
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love his plan, too!! Even better, get a string of 2 or 3 polka fans to troll the local strip. Get those younguns some culture. 😆
LikeLike
Noise pollution? Funny, I thought you might go for two other words, but “noise pollution” is good. I’ve always thought it wold be cool to get a monster sounds system, one that would blow anybody else away, and then, at the first hint of base thumping, start playing polkas at max. “Roll out the barrel, we’ll have a barrel of fun…”
LikeLiked by 2 people
omg, Dan, polkas would be THE BEST.
And yeah, there are a couple of other two word phrases that fit well there. 🤷🏻♀️
LikeLiked by 1 person