“There’s no easy chain email to send to women reminding them that some men will feel entitled to sleep with you if you’re drunk, that some men will coerce you into sex even if you’re not comfortable, that some men will initiate sexual activity and even if you’re deeply uncomfortable, you’re too scared to ask them to stop, that some men feel as though it’s completely fine to keep going even after you say no. That an absence of an answer is not the same thing as consent. There’s no easily digestible version of “Tips and Tricks for Women to Avoid Assault” that covers this material, even though that’s the arena where most assaults actually take place, and that’s because at a certain point, the tips boil down to, “Either you trust no one or you take your chances.”
And that’s where I get really frustrated. All that time I’ve spent walking with my keys in my hand, checking my backseats, knowing that ultimately, the much larger threat was something entirely out of my control.”
On Sons and Daughters.: I Am Begging My Mother Not To Read This Blog
A very intriguing share, Laura. I have never thought about this. I have two sons and I suppose I have never considered the possibility that they could ever be abusers of women. I have thought that their upbringing and home teachings will prevail. I do think this is largely true when it comes to the sort of rapists that stalk, capture and rape. Coercion, though, that is something different, isn’t it?
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Exactly. And the truth is coercion or date rape is far more common than stranger assault. This made me think hard about how I need to start conversations with my own kids.
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Mothers, teach your son to respect women. Wait – fathers, teach your son to respect women. Be a good role model for that!
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Yes. And she’s right — they need explicit lessons in what this means. Watching their friends to help keep girls safe. Flirting without being aggressive. Observing the difference between genuine and uncomfortable laughter and paying attention to body language.
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indeed
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😞
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