“We live in a world of perpetual updates.

“Update this update to update the update you just updated because that update didn’t update properly.”

It’ll never end. Can we not make a perfect product and just let it be? I’m always wary of updates on my laptop or phone because I’m not convinced they’ll make anything better.

People like to say, “If it’s not broken, don’t fix it.”

What we should really say is, “If it’s not broken, don’t break it!”

Anyway, so the updates go through relatively quickly, but it was all a red herring. The internet did not feel like it had been updated. It felt like it had just sat in the waiting room of a pediatrician’s office and watched as sick children with sticky hands roamed around and touched every toy and fish tank in the place, as their parents sat idly by.

That reference was brought to you by my childhood. I was a perfect kid, so I sat still like a normal person, as the chaos around me ensued…”

Computer Updates Are Mean: The Captain’s Speech