I stare at the ceiling, eyes wide open, flicking back and forth. My brain is clearly confused.

Step one: check vitals. Can I breathe? Does my throat hurt? Am I sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy-headed, or feverish?

Nope. Guess I’m just wide awake at three in the freaking morning because life at almost forty-eight is AWESOME that way. A few more snippets then…

Life has taken on a certain Twilight Zone quality. I opened the kitchen cabinet yesterday to find a Yankee Candle sitting in front of the plates. Did I put that there? Did BrightSide? Does it even matter? Will it move itself again if I put it back on the counter? These are the questions that make it hard to fall back asleep.

Do people even know what a Twilight Zone reference is anymore? That was a freaky show. Based on the few I saw, anyway.

Everything we own is tucked away because apparently people like to believe we exist on air. “Clean countertops make for a beautiful kitchen!” whispers the Better Homes and Gardens lady. It’s made for flexible meals. Take toast, for example. You might think you want a delicious piece of warm, buttery toast with those scrambled eggs. Toast might sound delightful. But when you remember the toaster oven is in the garage…well, let’s just say we haven’t used the toaster oven since last Wednesday.

I went three days without coffee while I was sick. So then I was “meh” – you know, not exactly better, but better than sick – and I found myself faced with weighty coffee decisions. Weightier decisions than cream or sugar. Decisions like do I really want to lug that Keurig downstairs from the storage room for a single cup only to have to lug it back upstairs again if a realtor calls? Because we want the realtor to call. Am I jinxing the realtor call by pulling down the Keurig? Or does pulling down the Keurig increase those odds based on my track record? Whose karma is gonna win out here anyway? Because BrightSide and I kinda go head to head in that department.

I can’t tell anymore if this is random inspiration or the lingering effects of extended cold medicine use.

I swear, I oughta tag all these posts WUID (Written Under the Influence of DayQuil).