How many of you got the brochure? You know the one I mean. That stupid glossy paper plastered with happy, smiling faces, picnics in the park, cozy parent/teacher conferences, hayrides, sidewalk chalk sessions, and adorable children trick-or-treating. Check the back cover for those heartstring tugging multigenerational pics of adoring grandparents pushing tots on swings. It’s the brochure that practically screams, “GO ON, PROCREATE! ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE DOING IT!”
Suckers.
As part of the roughly one million Americans who jumped on board this train please allow me to add some perspective to that crazy ass brochure.
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Sometimes parenting is an effing train wreck. Seriously. It is. There are days I’m 100% convinced I’ve driven this thing right off a bridge, while over a river, at the same time an oil tanker was passing underneath so everything blew up in a spectacular fireball advertising my sh*t storm parenting for the world to see.
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Sometimes parenting feels like a breeze when in reality it’s still an effing train wreck. This one’s worse. This is me being 100% convinced I.am.nailing.this.gig only to find out nope, not so much, and my kid thinks I’m a total dolt for ever thinking I’ve got this on point in the first place. Good Times.
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If you enjoy coffee reheated three times before nine, Goldfish crackers as a major food group, or table scraps for dinner then parenting might be for you. Food as you’ve known it will never be the same. Balanced nutrition is a pipe dream; grownup food is something you drool over in magazines. Accept it and move on.
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You will never seem more stupid than in a cornered teen’s eyes. Tuck a few of these handy phrases away: “I only look stupid.” “Yeah. My parents didn’t buy that one either.” “You want a do over on that?”
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There are days when the whole thing sucks. For real. One kid’s sick, the other’s on a tear, nobody has clean towels, and no amount of lukewarm coffee can balance out the five measly hours of horrible sleep I clocked as “rest” the night before. Toss in forgetting to put the overflowing trash can at the road and you’ve got peak conditions for mama meltdown.
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Things will pass your lips that would shock your younger self into a decade of stunned silence. Things my hippie dippy, granola crunchy, I’ll-be-an-enlightened-parent self never imagined I’d even think, let alone utter aloud. Sheesh.
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They will take their cherubic little mouths with their twinkly little eyes and then they will lie. RIGHT TO YOUR FACE. Smoothly. Easily. No, not at first – at first they’ll tell clumsy fibs and be shocked when you call their hand. But then they’ll get older and wiser and oh so worldly. They’ll decide you’re dumb as dirt, somebody who’ll gladly swallow whatever nonsense they’re peddling. Then they’ll have the balls to be offended when you nail them for it.
Wonderful post!! Thank you so much for sharing it with us..
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Speaking the truth always helps.
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Great post. I felt empowered after reading your blog. It’s ok to be imperfect as a parent. Also, I have a guest blog article idea if your interested.
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Perfect. It’s so important to remember parenting has its glitches like everything else – it’s not like they sprinkle us with fairy dust when they show up. 😆 Message me your guest blog idea. I’d love to see it.
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I recently did a blog on mommy recognizing inner superhero. I was thinking to elaborate and do an A-z guide in recognizing our own inner Mommy superhero. Let me know what you think.
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Great Post!
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Thank you! And thanks for reading. 🙂
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lots of truths here!
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It’s good to keep a healthy perspective. 😆
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So true. Currently “enjoying” my reheated coffee as my three year old has too much screen time.
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Particularly love the air quotes around enjoying because everything is relative when toddlers are involved. 😆
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This is absolutely amazing and I love how brutally honest it is. Parenting is not always fun or easy. Glad someone can speak the god honest truth about our crotch goblins 😂
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And now crotch goblins is my new favorite phrase. 😆😆😆
I’ve found brain dumping THIS IS SO FREAKING HARD SOMETIMES, PLEASE STOP TELLING ME TO ADORE *EVERY SINGLE MOMENT* OR I WILL LOSE IT helps me get through the valleys. 😉
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Crotch goblins is one of my favourites too 🙄!
More chance of missing every single moment when we’re told to enjoy it 10000x over. Like hello, we’re enjoying it… but I mean we enjoy eating dinner, but do we really enjoy standing cooking it all day 🤔?
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Great post , I love the insights too.
Do find time to read mine here https://sunniesmybunnies.wordpress.com/2019/04/06/create-enjoy-live/
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Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts. Have a wonderful day!
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You too 🌼
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It isn’t easy and it is often a train wreck, I agree. We’re all just winging it at this parenting thing. The important thing to remember, though, is that you will also put the train back onto the tracks and will continue on a journey that is worth taking.
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From your lips…
I mean, sheesh. Pre-teen girls. Good grief!!
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“Things will pass your lips that would shock your younger self into a decade of stunned silence.” — YES
Honestly, this stage (which is the last full-time stage) is easier for me than babies, BUT, whereas babies were physically exhausting, teens are emotionally exhausting and date night is truly 10x more important now than it was when they were small, because sometimes we just need to sit quietly and talk zh*t about how these people be. The real world is coming though and that zh*t’s about to get real and then you’ll be wise again, a marvel font of wisdom and they will wow to you and you will see their toddler faces in an instant. Just the last bit is daunting, before. For what it’s worth, I know you’re an intelligent woman with a good gut and a big heart. I wouldn’t try to get anything over on you 😉
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Ah, Joey, you’re kinder than I deserve. I am holding on tight to the mamas who’ve gone before and say YES, THIS TOO SHALL PASS AND YOU WILL COME OUT THE OTHER SIDE INTO NORMAL LIFE AGAIN because that’s the only thing keeping me from running away some days.
On the plus side, I was running errands with Bear this morning and as we were picking up breakfast for her (very important to feed the Bear) she said she’d decided to stop denying things when we directly called her out because if we didn’t already know then we wouldn’t be calling her out. My comment was yeah, that’s a better choice, because if you make me tear your room apart to find the thing I already *know* you have then things just got 500% worse for you. The kicker is that I really do like this age – they’re independent and interesting and funny as hell – I just need them to stop showing their rear ends so often. 😉
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Yes, I enjoy the humor and independence as well 🙂
I love “feed the Bear” hehe, we have one of those too!
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Yes it is often a train wreck. I don’t think I ever got a brochure. I remember doing my first nappy while trying to copy technique off a YouTube video – I was clueless. Still am really.
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Oh, man, YouTube saved us all. It taught me how to braid my daughter’s hair and considering how ungirly I was…well, THAT was a miracle.
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The mini traumas of elementary school were nothing compared to the teen years. My hardest times were when I was working full time and just about to get ready for a shower and bed, say 10 or 11 pm, when my 13 year old daughter would have a major melt down. I kept wondering why she couldn’t do it at 8pm. Some of our best times were in the car when I got her to agree not to talk about anything hard for 10 minutes and when she used to teach me Evanescence songs. Savor the good moments, however few and far between. It does get better… eventually.
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Thank you, JoAnna. I swear, mamas who have survived the teen years (especially with daughters) are gonna save me this month.
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I had her when I was 37 so we did puberty and menopause at the same time. Talk about a hormone roller coaster! One thing I figured out was that we could not talk when we were hungry. I also prayed a lot. Sometimes out loud right in front of her, like: “God, I don’t know what to do. Please help me with this!” That usually made her stop yelling as we waited to see what might come. Often what I got back was, “Love her.”
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That seems like solid advice under all circumstances. 💛
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I feel you. I mean, my version would be something like “sometimes farming is an effing train wreck…” but I feel you.
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We all own our train wrecks. Naming it makes me feel a little better. Kinda.
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If you survive being a brand new parent of a brand new baby who thinks it might need to eat every couple of hours 24/7, hold on tight – you didn’t know you were on a roller coaster, did you? Yeah, now you do.
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Right?? It seemed like surviving those sleepless nights was end goals but I was stupid wrong on that one…bwahahahaha!
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Amen!
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😉
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No children here, but I believe. I see things that go on elsewhere. I’m sure you aren’t as dumb as some people in your house might think you are. 🙄
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Indeed. If I were as dumb as some of the people think then the fact that we keep food in the house would be a miracle. Sheesh.
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This. Is. True. Dr. Seuss never wrote OH, THE TRAINS YOU WILL WRECK!!, but he should have.
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Imagine the fun he could have had with that one, right?
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I love this. I love when people are honest about stuff like this.
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Much simpler to just put it out there. Easier on the blood pressure, too. 😉
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Human interaction at its finest
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It surely is.
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It’s bad for you right now. But trust me it does get better after a while. So much so that you encourage your kids to have some of their own. Give it time. Or you can go on a time travel journey, ahead by ten years or so.
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Good days & bad days, right? Somebody was here today who had a baby a week ago & I was like welcome to the adventure, man. Life is pretty much one enormous surprise now.
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Yes, but there is good with the weird.
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