small bites, where hypocrisy runs fast and deep
It’s been almost four months since I’ve written a small bites post. Life stuff partly derailed the blog – unexpectedly putting the house on the market, negotiations, repairs, packing and moving and all that jazz – but some of it’s me. I’ve been frozen in place, bogged down by a suddenly inescapable sense I’m taking up space that doesn’t belong to me.
There’s such a thin line between being an ally and assuming an authority that will never be mine.
An ally uses her privilege to amplify the voices of people who are disadvantaged by the system. I need to advocate for people of color in a way that supports their point of view, not superimposes my own. I’m angered by the injustice I see around me – and the more I learn, the more I see – but it’s not my rage to own. There’s a common thread here: support, amplify, educate, but above all do not appropriate injustices that have been suffered for generations. I’m trying to find the space where using my privilege draws attention without centering myself.
I’ve read back through my previous small bites posts and feel good about most of it, but sometimes there’s a whiff of petulant white girl stamping her foot at how unfair the world is – that’s my white privilege showing. That’s me sitting at my kitchen table, drinking a coffee, thinking my way through pain that people of color are experiencing every minute of every day. I’m still learning about being a good ally, and this is one of the areas I’ll work on.
Someone asked why I chose to address race issues on the blog. I’d say the answer is fairly simple: I’m watching my kids navigate this world in brown skin and it’s hard for them, and that sentence right there is privilege personified. I didn’t really sit up and pay attention until it affected me personally. Lots of white folks don’t have a person of color just drop into their families. I’m hoping I can help it be real to you, too, through the small bites posts.
I hope you come into the Small Bites space with an open mind and heart. I know now what I didn’t know in my twenties and thirties, but I don’t yet know what I don’t yet know. Thank you to everyone who’s been willing to share their own thoughts in the comments.
You can find other entries by selecting small bites in the drop down menu under “series posts.”
Sometimes all it takes is to take a breath and just close your eyes to the allies around! 😉
Great post!👏👏
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Thank you! I appreciate your reading and taking the time to comment. 🙂
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I enjoy your Small Bites posts because they are insightful and honest. As for your house taking over your life, been there. Still am there some days.
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I think we all can relate to the drowning in life’s obligations thing. Thanks for your kind words. 💛
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“There’s such a thin line between being an ally and assuming an authority that will never be mine.” It’s so important to pay attention to that line, and a lot of people step over it as if it’s not there.
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You know, I think a lot of people actually have no idea it’s even there. Sometimes when I mention that line people act like I’m being, well, spazzy. Like POC should be grateful we’re even talking about it at all.
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I appreciate reading your thoughts, your feelings – and, yes, they may be somewhat slanted because of your “white privilege”, yet you see the slights and offenses firsthand through your children. Perhaps it is more important that we speak out against injustices (of many types) rather than sitting quietly in our cushioned lives, than is the platform from which we speak.
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I agree — many voices raised up is what demands attention. Thanks for reading and adding your thoughts, Carol.
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I totally get what your saying. I moan on about the world, the systems yet I am a middle aged white guy drinking his herbal tea writing on his iPad. I was reading someone saying that it was fundamentally wrong to talk about an inequality unless you had direct involvement. The problem with this is that too many people would sit passively while bad things continue to happen. Your small bites are so good and always hit the mark.
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I’d read something like that, too, but mine was more nuanced. They were saying it’s wrong to rail against the world’s injustices like they’re your own, that you need to read the accounts of people of color and share their knowledge. I can do better. Thanks so much for adding your thoughts.
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I love your small bites and love your self reflection. btw, I am immersed in the same level of house selling/repairing/negotiating hell. onward -)
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I’m so glad you like it. As for houses, I hear you. I’m proof that you’ll eventually come out the other side so keep your head down and hang in there.
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I like how you’re thinking. Good post
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Thanks for reading, Sadje.
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You’re welcome 😉
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