1. The kids are rolling into their final few weeks of school and it’s High Times up in here. They’re ready for summer. I’m ready for summer – until I decide I’m not ready for summer, but let’s not borrow that trouble just yet.
2. I’ve been taking it all in this year. The kids’ new school is amaze balls, and once I survive 7th and 8th grade by proxy I’m sure I’ll gush about the experience. But tonight I’m all about the ways this has been The Year Of Being Über New For The Millionth Time In My Life (aka Am I Ever Gonna Know What The Eff Is Going On?). So here, in no particular order, are some of the ways this has been another year of floundering like a fish out of water.
3. There’s a new family orientation? Thank you sweet baby Jesus. I have so many of the questions. Starting with what am I supposed to wear to this thing?
4. School supplies are as American as apple pie and a contentious political field. Same with Back to School night, which is when I hit my first blip. Let’s see…two kids, two advisories, two sets of classroom supplies. Do they need them sorted? Labeled? Labeled by kid or by teacher name? And is this the right amount of tissues? Yeah. Big picture – supplies got there. Small picture – next year we’ll nail the details.
5. The kids have a half day – what time does that mean they get out? 11:30? 11:45? Noon? Am I really gonna call the school to ask this question??
6. Student-led conferences: How do I sign up for a time slot? Can we schedule two kids at the same time? What is this portfolio thing? Where is table ten and how do we know when it’s our turn? What if I have a question for a teacher? What if I have a question for several teachers? WHAT IF WE’RE DOING THIS WHOLE THING WRONG??
7. We’re coming back a day late from winter break. How do the kids get all their work ahead of time? Does it have to be turned in before break? What if they don’t know how to do the problems yet? What if one of the kids freaking “forgot” to get the work?
8. There’s a May Day listed on the calendar. So kids sing? Bear’s in the choir, guess I’m in. Cue the day before. Wait, the eighth graders walk? Okay, glad I’m coming. Cue the morning of. What in the actual hell. I’m gonna have to park three blocks away and hike. Nobody told me the entire universe would be showing up for this thing. WHOA. THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE SHOWED UP FOR THIS THING. There’s no place to sit. It’s a hundred degrees in here. And look, the entire school is performing, THIS IS AN ENORMOUS DEAL AND I ALMOST DIDN’T COME.
9. How does Field Day work? Kid, why are you asking me?? I know precisely as much as you do. Ditto E-mersion term, WOW week, end of year festivities, driving instructors, and on and on and on.
10. And I thought being the New Kid would end when I was an adult.