“I have two teen daughters whose figures make them look much older than they actually are (13 and 15 years old). During a holiday get-together, my father-in-law repeatedly made awkward comments around them, like, “I hope your dad buys a shotgun for when boys come to the house.” My girls were really uncomfortable, but my husband laughed it off as the kind of joke that every dad ― or grandfather, in this case ― makes when talking about teen daughters. But the girls didn’t like it one bit, and neither did I. How do I talk to my husband and his dad about this so future holidays aren’t so cringeworthy?
– Ashley in Oakland, CA”
Ask A Dad: Grandpa Comments About My Daughters’ Bodies: Doyin Richards
Riddle from the Middle 
I think maybe they’re just bumblers and don’t know how to give a compliment
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Possibly, but I’ve seen my own daughter look supremely uncomfortable when people talk like this around here. Because really, what’s a 13 yr old supposed to say to “oh yeah, they’re gonna wanna hit that…”.
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I agree, inappropriate. I have grandaughters and one is 13.
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I liked his first answer, but I especially loved his second one.
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That one was spot on. 🙂
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Ashley’s question is easy to answer, but for some reason, the advice columnist only gets part of it. Unless there’s something seriously wrong with her husband and father-in-law, both men care about the girls do not want to cause them emotional upset. She can just tell them, “I’m sure that you meant well, but your comment made the girls feel uncomfortable and I know you don’t want to do that. Could you be a little more careful in the future?”
In her father-in-law’s generation (I assume he’s in his 50s or 60s), jokes were very common about using shotguns to make teenaged boys treat young women with respect. “Out of touch,” maybe, but hardly an “a**hole:” the motivation is commendable.
As for not trusting teenagers’ judgment, well, it’s tactless to say it, but teenagers male or female often have poor judgment. I sure did.
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Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts. Here’s what I’ve found over the years – women are taught to use “soft” language. Don’t offend, don’t be unreasonably aggressive, smooth the waters as you make a point. Unfortunately, I’ve found this type of communication is particularly ineffective with men. If she cushions her point with an “I’m sure you didn’t mean any harm but please could you try not to do it again?” she’s likely to get the same reaction her husband already displayed, i.e. laughing it off as no big deal.
Interestingly, I reacted more to the sexualization of teen girls even more than the offhand gun reference. The talk might be common for the grandfather’s generation but the girls still have a right to not be exposed to it and their mom has a duty to help them with that.
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Great post 🙂
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Thank you!! 🙂
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No problem 🙂 check out my blog when you get the chance 😄
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Loved your post on the black sand beach in Iceland. What beautiful photos!
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