I. do. not. golf.

I just don’t. This even falls under the One-and-Done category so it’s not like you can say, “Well, if you’d just give it a chance you might really love it.” I gave it a chance. I most definitely didn’t love it. Did I play long enough to yell “FORE!” on a fairway? Nope. But somehow I think I’ll survive just the same.

You see, this game just isn’t for me. It was oddly boring yet intensely stressful at the same time. How does that even work?? I don’t know, I just know that it’s one of the few settings where my blood pressure spiked despite a lack of excitement. Yes, I know, the stress of learning how to hit the ball had a lot to do with that. And yes, I know, learning in my (ahem) forties would probably be very different from learning in my – late teens? Twenties? Shoot, it’s been so long I don’t even remember for sure. But the fact that almost three decades have passed and I still vividly remember how much I hated this game just reinforces the fact that…

I. do. not. golf.

But even if I’d be willing to put myself on the driving range again and even if I’d be willing to suffer through the indignities of whiff balls and even if I’d be willing to commit to pretty much sucking until, I don’t know, forever – well, I STILL wouldn’t do it. Because who’s got time for a pastime that takes at least four hours to play?! Four hours is coffee, doughnuts, and time with a good book. It’s hitting Starbucks, the bookstore, and Target on a Saturday. It’s back to back movies in a theater without my kids (you know, if we’re doing the whole self-care thing). You know what it’s NOT? Dragging my hot, tired, frustrated fanny all over eighteen holes of a course designed to make it hard for me to put the ball in the stupid cup.

So yeah.

I. do. not. golf.

Linda hosts Stream of Consciousness Saturday. This week’s prompt is “for/fore/four.” Use one, use ’em all, use ’em any way you want. Bonus points for using all three. Enjoy!