7:00am  Alarm goes off. I am not a fan. Which sounds all pissy because people are up early for work every single day but there’s a boomerang effect coming off vacation. Yeah, BrightSide, I see the irony. Shut it.

7:15am  Roll into shower. Turn handle to hot, turn back to cool down, step into water and ahhh-OOOWWWWWWWWW mother effing sunburn omg IT HURTS IT HURTS MAKE IT STOP IT HURTS. That’s right, folks. I survived a week in Mexico without burning – not once – but North Carolina took me down. Weeding. It took me down by weeding. I hate the nature.

7:40am  Grab a water and hop in car to drop T-man off for his last morning of driving instruction. Yep. This kid who’s walked by enormous piles of laundry without even seeing them is now behind the wheel of a car. In a few weeks the passenger side won’t even have a brake pedal. I don’t know what to say about this, people, it seems crazy but I don’t make the rules.

8:20am  Make some calls, do some work, screen some texts (yay, parenting), search for sunscreen I’ve managed to lose in the three days since we unpacked.

10:00am  Pick up T-man with his certificate saying he can go to the actual DMV to get his actual learner’s permit to drive my actual car. Sweet Jesus up above.

10:15am  Have fifteen minutes to change, gather supplies, and head out to grab the girl’s friend for pool time. I don’t make it. (See sunscreen note above.)

11:15am  Arrive at pool where the rules are firm: Find some shade – but not too close to the girls. Relax – without looking at, listening to, or acknowledging their existence. Know their location at all times – but only so I don’t accidentally cross paths while heading to the pool or bathroom. All in 95 degree heat. I am m-e-l-t-i-n-g dammit but she’s happy, and at thirteen a little lighthearted giggling is really nice to hear.

2:30pm  Leave to take friend home, giving me thirty minutes to shower and change. Showering hasn’t gotten any easier.

3:30pm  Take T-man for appointment. Fight off sleep as the heat of the day finally takes its toll.

4:30pm  Field phone call from Bear with desperate plea for a late day shorts excursion. Fight off urge to extort payment. Require dinner prep work in exchange and dig in deep.

5:30pm  Swap kids in the driveway. Send T-man with instructions to preheat oven. Head to The Great Abyss (aka American Eagle) with the girl for “a quick trip.” We’ll see.

6:10pm  After two rounds of the store, two dressing room trips, and another tube top debate (God help me, she really IS gonna put me through all the shit I did to my parents) we’re on the way home. I might have scored points here, but I don’t get a big head since you just don’t understand me is bound to reappear.

6:20pm  Finally land back at home for the day. Round up the whole crew in kitchen to finish dinner prep.

7:50pm  Dinner.

even better…

11:45pm  Bedtime. Met by Bear’s “you’re going to bed now??” Yep. There it is.