Dear Random Woman at the Teeter,

Hi there! We’ve passed each other on four aisles now – smiling, nodding, making space with our carts. We even picked up the same soup. You practically feel like an old friend. Let’s catch up.

That sounds like a nasty cough you’ve got going on there. Summer colds really bite, am I right? You know the cinnamon discs are on sale over on aisle nine – go ahead and stock up, that sounds pretty contagious to me so I’m betting the rest of your house will be battling it by the end of the week. Oh, and you can find masks in the pharmacy section. Just sayin.

You’ve got the comfort food thing covered, that’s good. Sometimes instant mashed potatoes are the only thing I can stomach and just having something to eat pulls me back from the brink. Looks like your thing is tequila and pasta – cool enough, who am I to judge, but maybe pick up a little vitamin C while you’re here? A splash of OJ does a world of good.

As for your friend…girl, you have got to tell her she deserves more. He won’t clean up after his cat? And leaves his wet towel on the floor every morning? And he ate all the mint chocolate chip ice cream? Ah, HELL no. That girl needs to set some personal boundaries and know her worth. Oh, and you might want to look into plans with rollover minutes. Nobody should have to bail out of an SOS call with a girlfriend because their cell usage is tight for the month.

Well, I gotta run. There’s a shopper over in deli who looks like they’re having some sort of existential crisis. Best wishes for a speedy checkout lane.

Namaste.