1. A seat mate who a) takes off their shoes, b) peels off their sweaty socks, and c) props their feet up on the seat in front of me. Ew.
2. Somebody in the row behind me who never stops talking for even a single minute on a three hour flight. I guess it’s surprising this hasn’t happened already but honestly? I’m not sure how safe things would be if I couldn’t rest at all on a plane.
3. Loss of cabin pressure. Seeing those masks drop sounds panic inducing, even more so if I have junior members of the family along. Better than not having oxygen, I suppose, but still.
4. Accidentally finding myself locked onto a flight filled with operatic flight attendants.
5. An emergency water landing. I don’t care how many of those super duper perky flight attendant speeches I’ve heard, I absolutely positively do not want to locate the floatation device beneath my seat cushion after the plane’s crashed into the Atlantic.
6. Getting stranded for five hours on the tarmac without a working bathroom on board.
7. Somehow ending up on a flight going to the wrong destination. No, I have no idea how this could happen given they have about six different failsafes to prevent it but still – I can’t see myself handling things well if I find out I’m flying in the wrong freaking direction two hours into a flight.
8. A sixteen hour flight that only serves collard greens and tuna fish for dinner.
9. Big turbulence. Not “be careful opening overhead bins as items may have shifted in flight” turbulence. I mean more turbulence that flings passengers into ceilings and flight attendants down the aisles.
10. A lightning strike. I literally cannot wrap my brain around this one. Not.at.all.